The Life of Negan & Lucille (Pre-Apocalypse)
by TeamCarlisle
Summary: Before the apocalypse happened Negan led a fairly normal life with his wife Lucille. This goes through passionate encounters between them, the fights and normal times leading up to Lucille's tragic illness, inspired by The Walking Dead and the back story of Negan's life "Here's Negan". I tried to stay in character for pre-apocalyptic Negan. Mature content (sex/language).
1. Pool Side

**Negan - Pre-Apocalypse based on what I've read in summaries for "Here's Negan" (his short/heartbreaking backstory)...**

It was the third week in July and to say the weather was hot would be an understatement. For more than a week the temperatures had touched down in the 90's and the humidity never seemed to break. Negan and Lucille, married barely more than a year, hosted a barbecue for friends and family at their house at the end of a dead-end street, generously offering their pool up so everyone could cool down in the extreme, undying temperatures.

Most of their guests were other couples of about their age, some a little younger, some older. Some were longtime friends, others co-workers. Lucille's parents had stopped by for a short time before retreating to the couple's boat for the remainder of the evening with some friends of their own.

"Second round of burgers... come and get 'em." Negan raised his spatula and took a swig of his beer flashing Lucille a wink before serving several of their friends.

"This is a great place you got here," Mark Avery, one of Negan's assistant football coaches, said. He smiled and patted a meaty hand on Negan's shoulder.

"Just big enough for the two of us," he said with a grin, running a hand through his beard.

"Getting some grays there Negan," his friend joked.

"Shut the fuck up." He laughed, but secretly hated the grays that reminded him daily that he was getting older, despite Lucille's claims that it made him look sexy and a big sophisticated. "You've got a George Clooney thing going on," she had said. The comment always made him chuckle, but still reminded him that he wasn't the twenty year old he once was.

"I'm just kiddin'." Mark smirked. "We got ourselves a team to beat this year. Gotta run them kids into the ground come the end of August."

"If we don't take it to the state championship I may lose my shit." Negan smirked, dimples penetrating the hair on his face. "When you got the best damn quarterback in the league and a defense like ours you'll get crucified in a football town like this. Shit, I may run double sessions every day until November."

The two of them shared a hearty laugh and then looked up as their wives approached with plates.

"Ladies, how many burgers?" Negan asked.

"Just one for me," Mark's wife Tina raised her eyebrows. "I saved up all my calories for this meal today." She eyed a bowl of pasta salad.

Negan's eyes followed her stare and he laughed. "Well it's not going to fucking eat itself Tina. Go get some. Damn. You got ten pounds to gain."

Lucille turned to her friend with apologetic eyes, but the women shared a laugh.

"I may just have another beer with my pasta salad after that comment," Tina said, smacking Negan on his big, broad shoulder. She smiled and waved Lucille with her. "You know he's kinda sexy until he opens his mouth," she muttered loud enough for both men to hear her.

"I heard that," Negan said at the same time as Mark. They glanced at each other and laughed before Mark made his way over to the table to sit with his wife and Lucille.

Several others approached the grill when they sensed Negan's conversation with Mark was up and helped themselves to his self-proclaimed world famous burgers.

"Help yourselves to everything," he offered, "Really..." He sighed when everyone seemed preoccupied, "Food ain't gonna eat itself," he repeated quietly. Negan eyed the sky as it grew darker, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and putting to the grill to rest for awhile. It felt like hours he had been cooking as Lucille played hostess, keeping all of their friends occupied with drinks in their hands. Despite the heat, the day had been fun. Prior to having the party Negan had thought it would become one big pain in the ass, but when the day made way to night and all of them were clad in bathing suits by the fire, beers in hand he knew his wife had had a great idea. They hadn't hosted a party since moving into the home together.

"How many hours we going day one?" Mark asked, downing the second half of his beer before diving into another one.

"Hey, go easy," Tina warned. "You're a teacher. If you get pulled over for drinking-"

"I know every cop in town," he said with a laugh, "So... you go easy."

"Men..." she sipped her glass of Chardonnay.

"Three hour morning session," Negan said with a nod. He folded his hands and eyed the fire. "Three hour afternoon session."

"On the same day?" Tina asked.

"Let the men talk," Mark insisted.

"I lose him to football season every fall," Lucille complained lightheartedly. She looked to her husband with a smile and he scrunched his nose with a grin.

"You knew me getting in to this," he laughed, "You had plenty of time to get out."

"But those nights after a big win are worth it, aren't they?" Mark winked at Lucille making Negan tilt his head back and laugh.

"Well, actually..." Lucille laughed with them and Negan raised his glass, tapping it lightly against hers.

"Cheers to..." he began.

"Good sex," Tina finished.

They four of them laughed again and then Tina gave her husband a set of eyes when he continued to drink. Without anymore protest he nodded and placed the bottle down. "You're the boss."

"Oh, ouch." Negan raised his eyebrows.

"I don't feel like crashing the brand new Volvo tonight," Tina said to all of them, beginning with Lucille, then Negan and eventually continuing to give her husband serious eyes.

"Well you're not driving so I don't think we'll crash," he laughed, making Negan laugh with him. When Tina failed to join them this time he stood up and held out a hand. "Well, sir, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for the hospitality."

"Anytime pal." Negan rose, continuing on with a firm handshake. "Tina."

"Negan." She smiled and nodded before they exchanged a hug.

"Come by again soon," Lucille offered, tucking strands of long, dark hair behind her ear. "It can just be the four of us."

"Less clean up," Negan added with a heavy laugh.

"Oh, man, do you want us to help-" Mark began, but Negan and Lucille held up their hands in protest.

"Nah, my wife's got it." He nudged her playfully and then strung an arm over her shoulders.

"Yes... I've got it." Lucille rolled her eyes and laughed, knowing her husband was secretly hoping she would take the lead on the clean-up.

"You're sure?" Tina asked.

"Go home." Negan said to them with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Thank you," Tina said, echoed by her husband. They waved goodbye as Negan opened a door disguised in a fence that blocked the road and led out into the front yard toward the driveway where their friends had parked.

When the car engine started up Negan looked at Lucille, who sighed and leaned against him. "I'll clean up," she offered, noting how her husband had been sweating all afternoon in front of the grill, and then again as he manned the fire for several hours. She went to move away but he reached for her arm.

"It can wait," Negan told her, "There isn't much. I'll help you later."

"Later when?"

He smiled and kissed her once on the lips before taking his shirt off and leaping into the pool. Lucille laughed and stood smiling with her hands on her hips as he resurfaced, slicking his dark hair back. "I've been waiting all day to get in the water. It's so fucking hot still." When she didn't immediately join him he waved her in. "Come on."

Lucille looked around the empty patio, glancing at the tall fence that bordered one side, the woods-line that bordered another and no visible neighbor to the opposite side. She looked at him for a moment, wandered over to the small patio light and turned it off before ridding of the top of her bikini and slowly making her way toward the edge of the pool.

"God damn it, woman." Negan chuckled. "Hurry up and get in here."

She laughed and continued her slow cat-and-mouse game, staying on the opposite side of the pool as her husband.

"Oh I see how this is going to fucking go." He swam lazily in her direction and Lucille walked backward in the shallow end of the pool near the light of the lingering flames from the fire. As he approached she gave in and planted her back against the side of the wall as Negan swam up an placed a hand on either side of her so they were nose to nose. Lucille grinned and gazed into the swollen pupils of her husband in the dim-lighting. "Now where the fuck are you going to go?" he whispered, brushing his lips against her.

At times she knew her husband could be a little over-bearing and often scolded him about his mouth, and the way her cursed. But at other times his words turned her on like no other. Negan's hot temper and foul-mouth were a part of his charm that she couldn't deny. It was rare that she matched his words with curse words of her own, but she decided to tease him and go with it.

Lucille let her hand travel the length of his muscular torso and she rested her fingers on the inside of his shorts. Without breaking eye contact she whispered, "Where ever the fuck I want."

Negan flashed a smile, desire oozing out of his expression. "You've got a mouth on you." He pushed her hand down farther beneath the front of his shorts in the water and kissed her hard when her hand wrapped around him. He moaned into her mouth, caressing her breasts with both of his thumbs as he held her in their embrace. He then proceeded to slide them down her body toward her hips where he peeled off the bottoms of her bathing suit, letting them fall to the pool floor.

As he kissed down her neck Lucille moaned and arched her neck. "Mmm..."

"Mmm..." he said back, regaining her lips with his own before shoving his pants down until they floated off his ankles. When he picked her up by the hips Lucille closed her eyes, still kissing her husband hard as he slipped himself inside of her with ease with the aid of the water.

She wrapped her arms around her husbands back and shoulders, whimpering his name at the first feel of him inside of her. "Negan..." his name lingered on her tongue.

He secured her hips in his hands and thrusted into her again, taking in her expression as he did. Lucille's mouth was partway open, eyes closed hard and her fingernails dug into the top of his back. After several more thrusts he got caught up in the moment, moaning louder the harder he went.

Lucille locked her legs around him, arching her back in a way that angled him into her deeper.

"Fuck." Negan looked down as he thrusted, splashing water everywhere before leaning in to ravage the center of each of her breasts.

She clutched the back of his hand, grabbing a handful of hair and tangling her fingers in it as he worked every sensitive part of her body. When his lips crashed back against hers he pressed into her harder, making Lucille moan as he hit all the right spots over and over again with each crash of his hips.

Negan could tell when his wife was close. Her eyes stopped flickering open and her entire body tensed around him. It was the moment when he knew she was about to orgasm that he had the most difficulty controlling himself. He loved watching her in the seconds before he put her over the edge.

He grunted, clutching her earlobe in between his teeth and landing heavy breaths along the top of her neck.

Lucille held him tight, letting whimpers turn to moans back to whimpers as she called his name a final time before Negan took her to an amazing climatic moment that made her ounce of her go weak as she pulsed against him.

Negan felt her orgasm ripple up into his mid-section and without another second's hesitation he felt himself explode into her as he grabbed the side of her face with one hand and let out a profanity-laced lament out against the other side of her face. "Fuck..." he breathed into her ear, coming off of the high.

Lucille still clung to him and smiled when he pulled back with a lazy grin. She felt her heart flutter when he leaned in for a closed-mouth kiss, leaving his lips pressed against hers for several seconds before pulling away. They stayed close for a moment, staring into one another's eyes before Negan smirked, sporting his boyish dimples beneath the salt-and-pepper facial hair. "I love fucking you," he whispered.

She smiled and slicked his hair back with one hand and whispered back. "I fucking love you."


	2. The Next Morning

Negan's eyes flickered open as sunlight crept in through the blinds in the bedroom. He took in a deep breath through his nose and outstretched his arms before glancing to the right where Lucille typically slept. When he found her spot empty he slowly sat upright and hung his legs off the end of the bed.

"Lucille!" he shouted, only to be answered with silence. He glanced back over his shoulder toward her side of the bed as if to double check that she wasn't there before throwing on a pair of shorts and heading down the hall.

For a half-a-second he was worried when he didn't see or hear his wife, but then smiled to himself as he saw her whisk past the back door that led out into the pool area. He opened the screen door slowly as she was tossing empty beer bottles into a garbage back and smiled to himself. For whatever reason Lucille had a tendency to be jumpy and so he took the opportunity to give her a little scare.

Bottles clanked together as she tossed a few into the garbage with a short sigh.

Negan almost laughed out loud from her negligence to his presence. For a second he almost felt bad but got too much fun out of the innocent pranks he enjoyed playing on people - particularly his wife. Just before Lucille turned around he grabbed her forcefully around the waist making her scream out loud before loosening his grip as she turned around, smacking him on the bare chest.

"You asshole!" she shouted, beginning to laugh as the shock from the situation wore off. Lucille hit him again when he began to laugh and he pulled her to him.

"Why are you out here?" he asked her, still grinning.

She looked around. "Well we didn't clean up last night so I figured I'd try to get it done before you woke up."

"I forget... why didn't we clean all this up last night?" He slid a hand up the back of her shirt and chuckled when he saw Lucille eye the place in the pool where they had sex the night before.

She grinned back at him "Somebody has to clean up around here."

"Should've stayed in bed," he told her, pulling closer and beginning to kiss up her cheek until he latched onto her ear with his teeth.

Lucille began to laugh, wanting to carry on but she knew there was still work to be done. She pushed him back a little. "I have to finish this."

Negan looked down toward the bulge in his pants, "Yes you do." When he let his eyebrows rise and fall with a playful smirk Lucille sighed and wrapped her arms back around him.

"You drive me crazy, you know that?" She glanced over her shoulder for a minute at the random plates and cups that were still scattered about.

"I know," he admitted, "But that's what you fucking love about me."

"Arrogant too."

"Just a bit." He leaned in and captured her lips with his and began to kiss her harder. "I might have to take you right out here again."

Lucille almost didn't deny him, but regained a conscious thought as he pushed his hand down the front of her pajama pants. As much as she felt the need to clean up she felt her desire for him winning over. "Inside," she pushed him back.

"That's what I'm fucking trying for." He pushed harder with his fingers and Lucille laughed, sighing just after as she felt his first two fingers penetrate her. Negan grinned when he saw the look on her face and pleasured her for a moment, but decided it wasn't fair. "Okay," his smirk drove her even more crazy. "We'll go inside."

Flustered, she took a deep breath and looked him up and down. When she didn't move for a moment, contemplating staying right where they were, he moved back in closer and spoke quietly against her lips. "You better hurry up before I bend you over this fucking table."

Lucille reached down the front of his pants and he was caught by surprise, jumping back slightly from the surprise of her action before snickering and taking another step forward. Their lips locked and she kept him firmly in her hand.

"Is that a yes?" Negan asked her, his voice heavy and dripping with desire.

She smiled and released him, walking by in an attempt to regain control and crossed in through the house without looking back confident he would follow her.

Negan laughed to himself. He loved how he could still get Lucille so worked up after a year of marriage. Slowly he made his way inside enjoying the tease as he expected she was.

Lucille was beginning to draw the curtains and smiled at him as he entered their home. She removed the tank top she had been sleeping in and tossed it at him, making him laugh as he turned to lock the back door. She then wandered into the living room, beginning to shut the blinds but he picked up the pace to catch up with her, pulling her hands away from the window with one quick movement.

She grinned to herself, loving how forceful he could be. He reached a hand down the inside of her bra, squeezing her breast with one hand while sliding his other down the front her pants again. "Where were we?" he whispered into her ear. She moaned her answer as he continued to rub his fingers against her while beginning to kiss her neck. The feel of his scruffy beard gave her goosebumps and she sighed, not knowing what part of her body to focus on. Lucille's eyes closed as he picked up where he left off from outside, biting down on her shoulder as he did. She could feel his arousal as he pushed himself against her and moaned with her as he effectively pushed into her deeper with his fingers.

Negan grinned when she reached a hand back to try grabbing the hard-on that was pressing against the front of his shorts. He laughed and backed his hips away, not allowing her to. "Tell me you want it," he whispered huskily into her ear.

"I want it," Lucille whispered back.

He pushed in a little more forcefully with his fingers making her whimper in pleasure. "Tell me again."

"I want it Negan." She swallowed hard, closing her eyes so she could just focus on his raspy breaths against her and the feel of his fingers inside of her. "I want you to fuck me."

Her words made the hair stand up on the back of his neck and he felt himself twitch in his pants. He released her so she could turn to him and without warning he shoved her pants to the floor, picking her up once she stepped out of them and pinned her on her back on the couch.

"The curtains are open." Lucille barely got the words out.

"Who gives a fuck." Negan crushed her mouth with his, fighting for dominance with in tongue before sliding his shorts down just enough to release himself. He pulled back, eyes heavy and black with desire. He waited until his wife looked at him. "You ready for it baby?"

She nodded and pulled his mouth back to hers, locking her legs around the backs of his and urging him inside of her. Lucille moaned, the anticipating of their actions getting the best of her.

Negan pushed into her forcefully, thrusting his hips wildly. "Let it out," he urged, moaning himself as he gripped the armrest with one hand and squeezed her hip with the other.

"Fuck..." she sighed the word.

"There you go," he huffed, struggling for a breath as he carried on. Negan pushed back onto his knees, securing her to him and latched onto her hips as he moved in and out of her fast and hard.

"Don't stop." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Fuck Lucille." He felt sweat beginning to dampen his body. "I might not outlast you." He couldn't bring himself to slow down.

Lucille put her hands over his, digging her fingers into the backs of his hands and letting him know when she was close to climaxing.

Negan wanted to shout for her to hurry up, but he didn't say the words out loud. Thankfully he felt her clench against him, and her series of moans let him know he had led her to an orgasm that continued on for several seconds.

"Fuck." He closed his eyes and tilted his head back as he began to have his own climatic moment, the rush of mid-coital adrenaline surging out of him as he came hard into her. Lucille kept her legs tightened around him, urging him on until he finally collapsed down onto her. He breathed in and out hard against her neck and she ran a hand down his sweaty back.

"Okay," he breathed against her with a laugh. "Now you can go clean up."


	3. Thanksgiving

The remainder of the summer had been lowkey and relaxing for Negan and Lucille. The weather remained hot well through the end of September and as she had claimed, football season had claimed most of her husband's time. Lucille was a sports fan, so spending every Friday night at the local high school to watch the games, or at the high schools of surrounding towns wasn't exactly a chore. As the autumn season rolled on, however, she had begun to crave the end of November when the season wrapped up so they could get back to normal.

On Thanksgiving it had been a tradition since she the two had been dating to get up early, head to the football field while his team played, and then join her parents for a family dinner, going to see Negan's family just after for dessert, coffee and a couple of drinks. Their routines had worked for all of them, but Lucille decided she would host a meal for both her parents and his seeing as though it was their second holiday as a married couple.

"I'll be home by two," he promised, kissing her once on the lips before rushing out the door before she could get a few words in.

"Good luck!" she shouted as the front door slammed, and then looked around at all the tasks she had given herself. Lucille whispered to herself, "Okay... time to get cooking."

While she anticipated it being one big chore of a day, Lucille actually enjoyed the long morning she had available to her. The only sounds came from a small radio on the counter, and she felt the turkey preparation wasn't quite as intimidating as everyone had claimed. Her mother joined her close to noon to put on some finishing touches and to get the place straightened up. They laughed, shared a few stories and Lucille poured her mother a glass of wine.

"Toast with me dear." Her mother grinned from ear to ear and held up her glass.

Lucille smiled, and held up a finger. "Give me a minute." She hurried out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Her and Negan hadn't had serious talks about having children but she had felt a strangeness in her body that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It wasn't until her good friend made a joke about being pregnant that the thought suddenly crossed her mind as a real possibility and so she purchased a pregnancy test.

 _Do I tell my mom right now if this comes up positive?_ She asked herself. Certainly her husband should be the first to know, but if anyone was going to know before him the only acceptable person would be her mother.

Lucille took a deep breath, looked in the mirror and then decided to stop being a coward about it and get it done. She sat in the bathroom for several minutes, waiting in anticipation and scrunched her nose when she heard her mother begin to call for her.

"I'll be right out!" she shouted, unable to look down at the result in her hands. Lucille wanted kids and she would whole-heartedly embrace it if it was happening, but a part of her shuddered at the thought of a life change that significant. She took in another deep breath and her heel repeatedly the floor in a subconscious, nervous tick.

"I poured you a glass!" her mother called again, making Lucille smile. She had a wonderful relationship with her mother and it was rare that they got the opportunity to have alone time, or to sit and share a glass of wine.

When she finally looked down and saw the blue plus sign on the test she felt her face grow hot and her stomach turn in knots. She didn't know what she was truly hoping for, but she couldn't completely wrap her mind around the reality of it.

"No way," she said to herself, smiling at the same time as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Lucille quickly got herself together, washed her hands and slipped the test into the pocket of her jeans, pulling a big sweater down over the top. Before she left the bathroom she composed herself, looked at her reflection to make sure her makeup hadn't run and then headed out into the kitchen.

"I thought you'd fallen in," her mother joked, and extended an arm out with a glass of Merlot. "Come on, come on! We don't get to do this much anymore."

Lucille began to laugh and took the glass of wine from her mother, who was anxiously waiting to tap glasses with her daughter. The toasted, and her mother took a small sip from the glass and smiled. She looked at the glass in her daughter's hand. "Mom, um..." Lucille smiled wide and didn't have to say anything more.

"You're pregnant," her mother said, and then waited for a confirming nod before screaming happily out loud and wrapping her arms around her daughter.

Lucille laughed, feeling that bout of emotion tugging at her from inside again. A few stray tears ran down her face and her mother squeezed her hard. "I think so anyway."

"Grandma, grandma!" her mother gushed, "Oh, I can't wait. This is amazing! My first grandchild!"

"Shh!" she put a finger up to her lips and set the glass of wine down. "I... I just took the test. Just one, so it could be wrong."

"It's not." Her mother was convinced, doctor's words or not.

Lucille laughed again. "Oh, I forgot. You're a doctor."

"Oh hush!" She playfully hit her shoulder and then hugged her again before taking her hands in her own. "Why didn't you tell me you were trying to have a baby? I could have been knitting little hats already, and-"

"Negan doesn't know," Lucille cut her off. "No one knows except for you. So I know this is going to be difficult for you today, but-"

She made a zipping motion with her fingers over her lips. "I won't say a word honey." She smiled wide and then bounced up and down. "I'm going to be a grandma!"

"Get it all out now," she told her with a laugh. "And have my glass of wine when you're done with yours."

...

Dinner had gone smoothly, seeing as Negan's parent's got along fine with Lucille's. The men talked about football. The women talked about family, their favorite television shows and once or twice Lucille's mother brought up the topic of children, flashing her daughter subtle smirks and winks.

"You got a damn fine team there son," her father patted the top of Negan's hand. "They say you're too tough on them boys but I say you're making men out of 'em."

Negan grinned and ate a big spoonful of mashed potatoes. "That's my philosophy. Not going to get anywhere by getting babied."

"State championship this year?"

"That's the plan." He looked across the way at Lucille and winked, making her grin at him. She knew if it had been her father he would have added a few F-words in there, the way he did when he talked with his own father. She loved how he could tone it down a bit when he needed to.

"How about you, Lucy?" Negan's mother looked across the way. "Are you sick of these cold Friday nights at the games yet? I would be!"

Lucille laughed. "By this time..." she shrugged. "I'm ready for some nice Friday night fancy dinners when the season wraps up in a few weeks." She raised her eyebrows at her husband who replied with a simple, "Yes, dear," that made their parents all laugh.

"Well, you learned the right phrase in a year of marriage," his father joked, patting him on the back.

"It only took you 30 years to learn it," his wife joked, finishing a glass of wine before reaching for a pitcher of water. She turned to Lucille. "This has been a lovely meal."

"Thank you." She nodded. "Can I start clearing plates?"

"I'll help you," her mother offered.

"Me too," Negan's mother said with a nod.

When the dinner plates were off the table, they moved on to dessert and coffee. The men wandered to the patio for a few beers while the women remained inside chit-chatting. Lucille could see that her mother was dying to bring up the secret she vowed to keep, and she kept nonchalantly shaking her head. Once when they were alone she whispered. "Can we just tell his mom?" in which Lucille quickly responded, "No," with a smile.

Despite her mother's disapproving look, they shared a quiet laugh together before carrying on with the rest of the evening.

"Start a fire?" Negan asked, "Have a few more beers?" He looked at his father who patted himself on the stomach.

"Not me, son." He shook his head. "It's almost past my bed time. I've eaten too much."

"It's seven o'clock," he laughed. "But alright."

"We've got to take off too," Lucille's father said with a nod. "It's been a wonderful day here with you both."

They exchanged goodbyes and Negan unmuted a flatscreen that had been playing football all day before throwing a few logs in the fireplace. He joined Lucille on the couch where she sat. "Giants or Cowboys?" he asked, pointing to the screen.

"Giants."

"I say Cowboys." He grinned. "Want to make a fuckin' bet on it?"

She smiled. "What kind of bet?"

Negan smiled, his eyes squinted and he eyed the ceiling as he thought. She could see the mischief written all over his face as he ran a hand across his trim beard.

"Before we make any bets," she said with a sigh. "I should tell you something."

He turned to face her, sensing a slight seriousness in her voice. "What's up?"

Lucille didn't know what he would say, and so she reached into her pocket and handed him the test.

Negan glanced down as she slipped the stick into his palm and his eyebrows creased together.

"I took this this morning," she confessed. "I'm pregnant."


	4. Never Go To Bed Mad

Negan glanced over at Lucille. "This a joke?" He wanted to laugh but he could see that she wasn't kidding. "Lucille..."

"No." She shook her head. "No, it's not a joke."

He glanced down at the test in his palm. "When did you take this?"

"This morning... when I was by myself."

The two of them sat in silence for a moment. Lucille didn't take her eyes of Negan; Negan eyed the floor. When he didn't say anything she muted the game on the television and continued to stare at him until he finally looked at her. "When did you buy this?" he held up the stick.

"A couple of days ago," Lucille admitted. "I was talking to-"

"You didn't tell me any of this for a couple of days?" Negan rose from the couch and put his hands out to the sides. "And all day-"

"I didn't want to make an announcement at dinner," she cut him off. "I wasn't hiding it from you."

"Well you fucking bought this a couple days ago without telling me," he said back, raising his voice just slightly.

Lucille shook her head and raised her voice back at him. "I really can't fucking believe you right now."

"What can't you _fucking_ believe Lucille?"

She shook her head. "This isn't at all what I was expecting when I told you."

"We don't need a fucking baby right now."

Lucille felt frustrated tears begin to coat her eyes. "Watch your fucking mouth Negan," she clenched her jaw. "And you should have thought of that before."

He pointed to his chest and yelled out, "Me?" He shook his head. "So this is _my_ fault?"

"Fault?" She shook her head. "Negan it's a _baby_... you know that weird little life form that most married couple create together."

"Don't..." Negan shook his head. "We haven't talked about any of this shit."

"Well, there's no time left to talk." Lucille put her hands out and when he didn't answer she shook her head and threw the television remote hard into his chest. "You're an asshole." She walked past him and hurried down toward their bedroom, closing the door behind her with a loud slam.

Negan stood in the center of the living room by himself with the pregnancy test in one hand and the remote for the TV in the other. He glanced at the empty space where Lucille had been sitting on the couch and closed his eyes, shaking his head in frustration. He sat back down and grabbed the beer he had set on the coffee table in front of them and unmuted the game as he took a long swig from the bottle of Budweiser.

He sat in front of the television, looking it through it rather than at it. By the end of the game he had no idea who'd even won as he had long since stopped paying attention to what was going on.

A part of him wanted to go down the hall to Lucille, and he knew their arguments tended to end in one of two ways when he eventually went to resolve it - with her continuing to yell at him until there was a second round of fighting, or with the two of them hopping into bed together. He knew the latter wasn't about to happen. They hadn't argued over something stupid that could easily be forgotten the following day.

Negan muted the television and hated himself when he heard his wife crying despite the television she'd put on in their room. He had the urge to be stubborn but decided he shouldn't let the conflict go on and shuffled down the hall. When he got to their room he turned the knob on the door but knocked when it was locked.

"Lucille..." he said.

"Don't Negan." Her voice was shaky and accompanied by a collection of sniffles.

He leaned his face up against the door and kept his hand on the knob. "Open the door."

"I don't want to see you right now."

Negan closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't the type to beg but he saw this as possibly the only time to do so. "Please Lucille..."

"Leave me alone," she muttered, and so he let go of the handle and replied with a simple, "Fine..." before wandering back down the hall.

Negan walked into the kitchen, grabbing a handful of small, Italian cookies that had been left out and another beer before heading back into the living room. He sat by himself for awhile, trying to get into the football highlights of the day on ESPN but it didn't do much to distract him.

When he stared into the bottom of the next empty bottle of Bud and the only remnants of the cookies were a few crumbs on a napkin, he locked up their house, turned off the lights and made himself comfortable for a night on the couch. If there had been a time where he deserved the couch treatment, he knew this was it.

...

Lucille had trouble sleeping without Negan beside her but she knew if she called him in then all of the emotions she wanted to let out would contribute to a long night of arguing. They didn't fight often, but just like all aspects of their relationship things tended to get heated and passionate when an argument took place. She yelled at him, he yelled at her and the whole thing ended with a blowout. Lucille decided to skip the blowout part that night by forcing her husband to sleep on the couch.

She tossed and turned for awhile, thinking of what they would say to each other in the morning and what would come of the situation they were thrown into. Lucille knew if he had had a different reaction that the night could have been one of those nights you look back on later in with such joy. Still, she knew it wasn't a Disney movie that they lived in, and that in real life big life events didn't always go smoothly.

When the midnight hour rolled around and she still hadn't gotten to sleep she decided to play peacemaker and slowly crept out of their bedroom. Lucille remembered and honestly live by one of those cliché sayings that her mother still emphasized: Never go to bed mad at someone you love.

She ran her hands over the puffy areas beneath her eyes and then made her way through the dark into the living room. A small lamp was still on in the back corner of the room and she felt a little bad when she laid eyes on Negan, who slept on his side on the couch with a small blanket that didn't quite cover his entire body. Slowly, she approached him and shook his shoulder gently until he finally stirred and squinted up at her with half-asleep eyes.

"Come to bed," she urged quietly, still stern in her features but softer in her tone.

It took Negan a minute for his brain to catch up and then he slowly stood up, running a hand through his messy, dark hair before tossing the blanket down onto the couch. Lucille wandered to the back of the room and clicked off the little lamp before rejoining him on their walk down the hall.

Negan shuffled his way down, still in a sleepy haze but felt a small wave of relief when Lucille allowed him to drape his arm over her shoulders in their short walk to the bedroom. He closed the door behind them and peeled off his shirt before sliding in bed beside his wife.

She laid with her back to him to show that she wasn't at all over what had happened a few hours before, but linked her fingers with his as he slipped an arm around her waist from behind.

"I'm sorry," he told her honestly.

"We'll talk tomorrow... go to bed."

Negan pulled her closer to him and let out a sigh against her back before both of them drifted off to sleep.


	5. Redo

When Negan woke up that Friday morning he had to consciously decipher if he had dreamt up any of the events from the day before. When he quickly realized he hadn't dreamed any of it he knew he was in for a long morning.

Lucille still slept beside him and from her steady breathing and stiff posture he could see she was exhausted. The time on the clock read quarter to eight but it felt like much earlier. Watching her laying there made him feel like a complete jerk. After the initial reaction he'd had to her revelation to him he sat back and thought more consciously about everything.

Negan ran a hand across his forehead, picturing his wife feeling anxious all day leading up to the moment she told him they were expecting their first child. She was right. His reaction had been shitty at best. Dealing with something that big was difficult enough, never mind adding to it by the things he said.

"I'm such a dick," he whispered to himself, keeping a hand over the top half of his face.

"Yeah you are." Lucille stretched her arms and turned to him slowly, opening her eyes to look at him once before closing them again as she laid on her side facing him.

"Glad we're on the same page." He would have smiled if he thought she would have smiled back, but he didn't.

"At least we're on the same page about something," she went on without opening her eyes.

Negan ran a hand through her hair several times until Lucille finally stretched again and looked over at him. "I'm sorry," he told her, not looking away.

"You ruined my night," she said back, not letting up. Her eyes stared back into his with accusation and lingering exhaustion from the night before.

"I know." He sighed. "I was taken off-guard, that's all."

"I didn't lie to you."

"I know." Negan put a hand on the side of her face. "Can't we just fucking redo the whole thing?"

Lucille pressed her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

"Can you tell me again and I'll do what I should have done?" Before she could answer he hopped out of bed and walked over to the door.

She fought back a grin, not wanting to give in to him so easily. "What are you doing?"

Negan stood in the doorway, finally causing Lucille to crack a smile from his appearance. He had on black Nike socks that rode halfway up his ankles and boxer shorts to match with a head of messy hair and heavy eyes. There was no way she could take him seriously. "Don't you have something to tell me?" he asked.

"You're stupid," she said right away hiding her face from him, partway into the pillow to keep herself from laughing. When she heard him chuckle she turned back to him.

"Lucille..." He put his hands out to the sides.

"Negan." She copied his posture. When he didn't move she rolled her eyes and finally played along. "Hey guess what? We're going to have a baby."

"Wow." Negan overemphasized the word and walked toward her. "That's fucking great!"

Lucille shook her head and smiled, attempting to appear mad on the surface still but began to laugh when he hugged her and pinned her beneath him on the bed. "You're so full of shit Negan," she told him, still grinning.

"I'm not full of shit." He pressed his lips against hers.

"No?" Lucille stared up at him, beginning to toy with his hair.

"No." Negan confirmed and kissed her again. "I'm not justifying my reaction but you know how I get sometimes..." He shook his head, "Fuck, you probably thought that part of my personality would slowly fade away once we were married huh?"

Lucille shook her head. "I know who I married... and you do drive me crazy sometimes. You're stubborn and impatient... you curse a lot and you raise your voice."

He bowed his head against her shoulder and laughed out loud.

"But..." she added, "I would never want you to change any of those things. I love you the way you are. I have my quirks too."

Negan grinned wider, "Oh, I know you do."

"Lucille began to laugh and hugged him against her. "So... we're on the same page then?"

"Same page, same book."

She sighed and ran a hand up and down his back. "You still ruined my Thanksgiving night... after all the cooking I did all day and hosting..."

"I know." Negan raised his eyebrows. "I can't say sorry many more fuckin' times."

Lucille ran a hand down his cheek and gripped the bottom half of his face a little extra hard. "Well fucking make it up to me then."

"Now you're speaking my language." They laughed into a kiss together and then Lucille pulled back. "When are we going to tell-"

"Our parents?" Negan pulled back. "Well if it's any consolation, I'm sure they'll have a better reaction than I did." He shook his head. "My mom's been on my ass about that shit since I popped the question."

"Has she really?" She grinned, feeling a secret wave of approval from his mother pass through her.

"Yeah." He looked at her, "What'll your mom say?"

Lucille decided not to ruin the moment by the chance he might get aggravated that her mother already knew. "She's probably been more pushy than your mom."

"Sounds about right." Negan took a deep breath through his nose and looked down at her. "Looks like we'll have to have another family get-together." Despite having good relationships with their parents both of them gave a sarcastic, "Yay..." at the same time, making each other laugh.

"I love you," Lucille told him.

Negan smirked. "You might be the only one who could."


	6. Dinner and Dessert

Lucille pulled the car into the driveway after a long week at work. She killed the engine and sat in the driveway for a minute, decompressing in silence for a moment before walking through the yard to the front door.

When she entered with a sigh Negan rounded into the kitchen dressed up in black pants, a button down shirt and a tie. Lucille raised her eyebrows and took in his appearance. She smiled, leaving her work at the door.

"You look nice," she greeted.

He walked across the room and gave her a kiss.

"What's the occasion?" Lucille continued to smile.

"On Thanksgiving you said you were ready for fancy Friday night dinners." Negan smiled wider. "This is the first Friday since the football season ended... so take your time getting showered and dressed." He kissed her once more. "And then we'll go."

Lucille wrapped her arms around his neck. "You just snapped me out of a bad mood." She pulled him back to kiss her and smiled another time. "Where are we going."

"I made a reservation at that Italian place you like in Richmond."

Lucille laughed lightly. "Negan, that's like a hundred dollars a plate."

"I got my football check today." He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry you guys lost last week." She smirked, envisioning his initial cursing fit only to be followed by several days of moping around the house.

"Don't fucking remind me." Negan kissed her with a smile, and then whispered. "Go shower."

Lucille hugged him. "Thank you." She then hurried down the hall to get ready.

Negan sipped on a glass of water and stared across the way at Lucille who was dressed in a classy black dress and her best jewelry. "You... look... hot," he said quietly, making her laugh.

When an old couple glanced over from their fine dining she put up a hand as if to say 'I'm sorry'. She then lowered her voice, "I think in here you have to say beautiful."

"I should've anyway." He admitted, raising his glass. "You look beautiful."

Lucille tapped her glass against his and leaned closer to him as she rested her foot on top of his under the table. "You look hot," she whispered.

Negan looked around and then back to her with a grin. "You keep talking like that and-"

"Here are your salads," a waiter whipped in, laying plates down in front of each of them and refilled their glasses of water. "Your meals will be out shortly."

"Thank you," Lucille politely nodded and the man nodded before wandering to another table.

"Thanks," Negan echoed, and then quickly regained the gaze of his wife. He grinned and looked down at his plate with a smile when he felt her foot travel up the inside of his pant leg along his calf.

He chuckled to himself and then looked back up at her, promptly throwing his napkin down over his lap. Lucille grinned back at him.

"You,uh..." He said as quietly as possible, still smirking. "You seem like you want to get out of here."

Lucille shook her head slowly and took a bite from her salad without looking away. "No, I want to drag this one out."

"Alright." Another slow smile spread across his face.

Lucille removed her foot from inside his pant leg and took a small bite of her salad.

"I thought you were dragging it out," he teased.

She laughed lightly and teased him back, whispering. "The things I want to do will get us kicked out of here."

Negan had to keep himself from laughing out loud as he sported a big grin. "Well fuck..." he said only loud enough for her to hear. "Why don't you just tell me about it then?"

Lucille looked around the immediate area, seeing that no one was paying attention. She then looked back to her husband.

"I could live with getting kicked out of here," Negan added with a wink as he rounded up another bite of lettuce. "Just sayin'..."

"You bring out my worst," she joked with a smile, never breaking eye contact.

"And you bring out my best, honey." He smiled back. "That's why this works."

"Are you still going to want me when my stomach is out to here and I'm eight months pregnant?" Lucille asked him.

"Nah that's right about the time where I'm going to give ya a wave and a smile and wish you luck." Negan laughed when she gave him a look before he answered honestly, placing a hand over hers on top of the table. "I'll always want you, Lucille."

She wanted to lean across the table and give him a kiss but rather she squeezed his hand.

"Now..." he grinned more mischievously and lowered his voice more, dipping his head slightly toward her. "What is that you were going to tell me?"

Lucille laughed and felt him beginning to trace circles over the back of her hand with his thumb. "We should have ordered a booth so we could've sat together on the same side," she told him.

He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-smirk. "Well, you know I hate it when couples do that shit so you're going to have to give me a good reason to want to do that."

"I'd give you plenty of reasons to reconsider."

"Tell me."

Lucille knew that her husband could do some serious dirty talking to get her all hot and bothered but she wasn't as confident in her own ability to do so. She had things running through her mind but she started chuckling when she thought of herself actually saying them out loud.

"More water?" the waiter returned with a pitcher.

"I'm fine, thank you," Lucille told him. Negan put a hand up as he declined.

"Just another minute until your food comes out."

Negan didn't miss a beat, looking back to his wife as the waiter stepped away. "I'll take the lead on this one," he told her with a smile. "You see, if you were seated right next to me I'd slowly run my hand up the inside of your thigh..." Negan took another bite from his salad. "And I'd use these two fingers to slip your underwear to the side-"

Lucille put up a hand to cut him off and leaned extra close. "I'm not wearing any."

He raised his eyebrows in the slightest bit of intrigued shock and then let it eyes drop toward her waist. His tongue reactively danced across his lips and then he grinned more devilishly than before. Negan looked over his shoulder and then back to her. "My God Lucille..." he glanced down at his lap. "I may get us kicked out of here without you even having to touch me if you keep saying things like that."

"Well I think it's best we didn't land ourselves a booth then." She grinned, "Because this room isn't quite dark enough and I've had the urge since seeing you dressed up in the kitchen to slowly undo the buckle on belt of those fancy pants of yours and..."

Negan had both of his elbows on the table with his hands folded beneath his chin as he leaned almost halfway across now. "And what?"

She motioned with her eyes to their waiter, who was holding a tray by shoulder. "Guess the rest will have to wait."

He turned, wanting to slip a one hundred dollar bill into the guy's shirt and tell him to get lost, but he slowly leaned back in his chair with a painful smile on his face.

Lucille felt pleased with herself in seeing her husband just a bit worked up. She loved the rare moments when she felt completely in control of him, and she hoped she could make it last.

"Steak dinner for you sir." The waiter placed Negan's food down, "And baked Tilapia for you ma'am." He looked back and forth between the two of them. "What else can I do for you?"

"Nothing," they said at the same time, and Lucille added. "Thank you so much."

The man nodded and walked away.

"You know... you should dress up more often," Lucille told him.

He chuckled to himself and began cutting the steak in front of him. "If it'll bring this side out of you-"

"No really." She smiled at him. "You look nice."

Negan shrugged and took a bite. Lucille could always see an uncomfortable shift in his posture when someone complimented him, even her. She decided to get back to being flirty and a little silly to keep the vibe of the night going. "Why don't we get these meals to go and, uh..."

He glanced up to her and stopped chewing on the bite in his mouth, seeming to be eager to agree despite just getting their overly expensive meals. When he realized she was kidding he shook his head. "You're enjoying this huh?" he finally asked with a smile.

"Enjoying what?"

"You know what."

Lucille laughed and decided to focus on her dinner. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry to me, say sorry to him." He subtly motioned to his lap with his fork and then as if he was speaking to a dog he said, "Down boy," making Lucille laugh a little louder.

Negan chuckled and looked around to a few other diners that looked in their direction. He then looked back at his wife with a laugh of his own and lowered his voice again. "We're doing dessert at home."


	7. As Long As I'm the Last

Negan slipped an arm around his wife's waist as they exited the restaurant and made their way up the city street toward where he'd parked his truck.

"You do look fucking unbelievable," he told her as they went, making Lucille laugh.

He opened the passenger door and helped her up into the truck, carefully not to let her slip in her heels. "Should've taken your car," he said, and then stared at her for a moment.

"What?" she asked, smirking as she could see leftover desperation in his eyes from their conversation at dinner.

Negan closed the door and walked around, joining her in the car before resting a hand on her left leg. "I'm curious to see if you were being serious."

"Still thinking about that huh?" Lucille teased and glanced down as the muscles in his fingers twitched against her thigh in anticipation. "Only way one to find out."

He leaned across the way and kissed her hard while sliding his hand further up her leg. Lucille massaged his tongue with her own, pressing her eyes shut hard and then took a long, deep breath out her nose when he suddenly stopped what he was doing.

Negan chuckled and slowly slid his hand away and then started the car and looked over at her. "We've got a forty-five minute ride home," he said with another laugh. "I'm going to draw this one out."

Lucille shook her head at him and closed her eyes, noting he was making it obvious that he was taking back control of the situation. "You're going to be wondering the whole ride," she told him.

"I may just have to surrender to you before then," he admitted, beginning to pull the truck out of the parking space as he headed down the road.

"Do you remember our first date?" she asked him.

Negan grinned. "Yeah... cliché dinner and a movie." He smiled, "Ever tell your mom how we _really_ met?"

Lucille turned to him and Negan kept his eyes on the road when he smiled to himself.

"I like her thinking it was a mutual friend."

"I'm going to tell her the truth one of these days," he joked, turning to her for a second before eying the road again.

She chuckled and shook her head. "I was completely out of character." A smile spread across her face. "I can't believe you actually called me after that."

Negan grinned and continued to chuckle to himself. "You mean after you puked on my shoes?" He laughed louder and Lucille hit his arm as she began to laugh with him. "I saved you that night, don't forget."

"I hate when you bring this up," she told him with a smile.

He linked his hand through hers, "Hey, it's a part of our fucking love story baby."

"Yes... me unable to find my friends at the bar after doing tequila shots for half the night... and then being dumb enough to allow a strange guy I didn't know to take me back to my apartment..."

"I was a gentleman," Negan reminded her. "I gave you some water... some food..." He laughed, "And then you threw it up all over me."

Lucille swatted his arm again and laughed. "I've never drank as much as I did that night."

"Well... lucky you did. Or maybe we wouldn't have met each other." He nudged her when she shook her head again. "Hey, I've been fall down drunk plenty of times, so don't fucking sweat it. That was four years ago." Negan took in a deep breath. "Would you take it back if it meant we would have never met?"

She smiled at him. "No."

"Well alright then."

"I honestly couldn't believe you left that note on my fridge with your number." Lucille smiled and sighed.

"Well... you were hot," Negan admitted with a laugh. "And then sober you actually ended up being a pretty likeable chick."

"Pretty likeable huh? That's it?"

He smiled, "You want to know something I didn't tell ya?"

"What?" Lucille looked more intently at him.

Negan laughed to himself. "You're not going to fucking believe this... and if you tell anyone, including your friends, I'll tell your mom the real story of how we met."

"Deal." She smiled. "Now... what is it?"

"I, uh, I bought your engagement ring two months after I met you."

Lucille smiled wider. "No you didn't." He nodded and she wanted to force him to look at her but knew she couldn't as he was driving. "You didn't propose until our two year anniversary."

"I'm fucking aware of that," he said with a laugh.

She paused, leaving her mouth open with a grin. "Really?"

Negan sighed, "Don't get mad at me for saying this... but I used to hook up with women just for the fucking hell of it. I never thought of myself as the type of guy who would ever settle down. Most of the women I got involved with, quite frankly, annoyed the hell out of me." She chucked and he glanced over at her. "But after two months with you... that shit all changed for me."

"Why didn't you ask me sooner then?" Lucille asked. She reached for his free hand and linked her fingers through his.

"Because I wanted to wait until you were fucking ready," he explained, putting his blinker on to get onto the highway. "I know you had a hard time trusting me in the beginning."

"I did not."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "I had girls calling my phone left and right when we first started dating... and for the record I never give any of 'em the fucking time of day after I met you. But I know you were kind of leery about that shit... rightfully so."

"Two months?" Lucille asked with another smile. "Really?"

Negan began to laugh. "I'm definitely getting some tonight now right?" He looked at her with a smile and serious eyes. "That's between us, don't forget."

Lucille smiled and leaned across the way, glancing at the open road in front of them. She planted a single kiss on his lips. "I love you."

He kissed her back, glancing at the road quickly before kissing her again. "I love you too." He stared her up and down a moment. "I got an idea."

She grinned, willing to follow anything he said at that moment. "What?"

Negan smiled and then floored the pedal a little harder, weaving in and out of traffic before taking an exit halfway in between the restaurant and their house. He pulled the truck down a series of backroads before coming to a clear on top of a cliff that overlooked a large body of water that stretched on for miles.

"Where are we?" Lucille asked him, staring outward at the darkened sky.

"Nice ain't it?"

She smirked. "Something tells me you've been here before."

"Can't we let the past be the past?" Negan laughed.

"How many girls have you taken here before me?" Lucille raised her eyebrows at him in playful accusation.

"A couple," he admitted, "As a younger man." And then added, leaning across the way to kiss her again. "But I just couldn't wait the forty-five fucking minute ride."

Lucille kissed him back and closed her eyes. "As long as I'm the last woman you take here..."

"Oh, that's a fuckin' promise," Negan told her, feeling her tongue eagerly slide back in his mouth. Her hands reached for his belt and Negan moaned into her mouth when he felt it unlatch. He pushed her back for a moment, reaching for the handle that pushed his seat back away from the steering wheel and pulled her onto his lap as she shoved his pants down past his knees.

Lucille watched as her husband's eyes closed and he leaned his head back against the headrest when she lowered herself down onto him.

Negan's hands latched onto her hips. "You weren't fuckin' lying." He managed a grin but didn't open his eyes.

Lucille began to move on top of him, making every part of his body twitch with pleasure. She grabbed him by his tie and kissed him again but then pulled her face away. "People don't come up here, do they?" she breathed against him, not stopping as she rode him.

Negan didn't seem to care as he helped to move her with his hands; his eyes still closed and mouth partway opened.

"Negan." Lucille smiled and he let his eyes flicker open with a groan and a grin.

"Why are you imagining the paper headlines?" he chuckled. "Local football coach arrested for lascivious acts in a public place with his hot fucking wife?" He kissed her hard again and urged her to continue.

Lucille didn't stop this time, breathing heavily against the side of his face as he thrusted up from beneath her. When she moaned a little louder he grabbed her face, guiding her lips back to his. She could tell he was having a hard time controlling himself as he tried stopping her several times, but she didn't let him.

"You're not going to get yours," he warned, keeping his eyes closed tightly as his eyebrows pressed together. His hands gripped her hips hard and Lucille grinded on him hard, moaning his name out into his ear.

Negan felt his chest tighten and then held her against him harder as the muscle in his upper legs tensed before he let out a loud moan and pushed her hips down forcefully against his as he began to come.

As much as Lucille enjoyed the climaxes he regularly led her to, she enjoyed the times when she got him so worked up that he couldn't control himself.

Negan's head leaned back against the top of the seat again and he breathed heavily in and out of his nose with his eyes closed. Lucille remained on top of him and touched her lips gently to his before climbing off of him to get back in the passenger seat.

He didn't move for a few seconds and the finally glanced over at her. "Okay..." Negan took in a deep breath. "Now I'm ready to fuckin' go to sleep."

She snickered and readjusted herself next to him.

"Told you you weren't going to-" he began, but she leaned over and kissed him again. "We have a long ride home," Lucille reminded him, "So don't get too sleepy because you owe me one once we get there."

Negan smiled and looked down before pulling his pants back up. He looked at her with a lazy grin. "Yes dear."


	8. The Lion

**_So I was planning on keeping this as canon as possible according to what I know of Negan's backstory. However, I'm starting to have second thoughts about having Negan cheat on Lucille because I'm having fun writing them together. I am going back and forth about what to do... I'm not at that point yet in the story but if anyone has an opinion please share in a PM or a review! Thanks a lot!  
_**  
Negan had fully wrapped his mind around having a child despite his initial doubts. While his marriage to Lucille had been solid before, everything felt almost too good after their dinner together in Richmond.

He decided to actively be more thoughtful, cutting down on guys' nights at the bar with his football buddies and even helping her cook dinners.

With the holidays approaching he surprised her with different maternity-related gifts each week of December leading up to Christmas.

"Thank God your mom offered to host Christmas," Lucille said to Negan. "As much as I enjoyed Thanksgiving I don't know if I could do another day like that right now." She added a few ornaments to the tree that friends had given them.

"Come sit and get fat with me," he joked, patting the couch beside him as he shoved a Christmas cookie in his mouth.

Lucille looked down at her stomach. She wasn't at all showing but put a hand on her stomach. "Soon enough."

"Get a head start." Negan held another cookie out as she approached him and Lucille took it, biting the head off a snowman.

"You just Ozzie Osbourned that snowman. Not cool."

She slumped in beside him on the couch and grabbed the remote from his hand before resting a head on his lap and outstretching her legs.

"Sure yeah," Negan draped one arm over her. "I'm not watching this."

Lucille laughed. "Hey I'm-"

"Pregnant, yeah..." He shook his head. "You can't use that shit to change the channel on me."

"Elf is coming on."

"Because we've never seen that fucking movie before," Negan replied sarcastically.

"Not this year yet." She scanned the channels until finding it and then handed her husband the remote back.

"Un-fucking-believable." He laughed. "I brought you flowers this morning and everything."

Lucille turned to him with a slightly guilty expression and gave in. "You're right." She smiled, "You can change it back."

"No..." Negan told her with a loud sigh. When she clawed at him for the remote he held it high above his head. "No, we'll just watch whatever Mama wants."

Lucille stopped reaching and grinned. "Mama?"

Negan laughed. "Ya like that huh?"

She flipped onto her stomach and leaned up onto her knees to kiss him. "Yeah." When he let his guard down she grabbed the remote back and switched the channel back. "Aww you were watching Animal Planet?"

He smiled as she laid back down the way she had been. "They're narrating the story of a lone lion who's looking for redemption after losing its family."

Lucille watched a pouted her lips as they showed a cub unmoving on its side. "That's so sad."

The narrator's English accent poured from the speakers. "The starving lion will now approach the pride in the distance to challenge the leader after losing-"

Negan grabbed the remote back and laughed when she turned around quickly to retrieve it with tears in her eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not." She wiped a single, stray tear from her cheek and sniffed in.

"I'm putting on Elf."

"Negan put your show back on."

"No." He said and then pointed to the television when the opening of Elf began to happily sound off from the flat screen. "Lucille..." He smiled wider. "You watched thirty seconds and got upset. I want to watch the Christmas movie with you." He raised his eyebrows. "Please."

She laughed and let a few lingering tears fall as she did.

"Come here." Negan pulled her against him so she laid partially on his chest and then tossed a green and red blanket over the two of them. "Don't be sad."

Lucille sighed and then began to cry and laugh at the same time. "I'm a mess."

"Yes you are my dear." Negan laughed. He kissed her temple. "But a beautiful mess you are."

"It's a damn TV show." She sighed.

He chuckled. "You're a sucker for animals... and not sure when those hormones kick in but that could have something to do with it."

"You've been really good to me," Lucille told him. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes against his chest.

Negan laid back and stroked her hair a few times. "I'm fuckin' trying to be a better husband," he admitted.

"You've always been a good husband." She smiled against him.

"I shouldn't be out at that bar as often as I go."

"You're fine." Lucille rubbed his chest with her hand. "It's once or twice a week."

Negan squeezed his fingers against her. "I'm about done with that shit. This whole thing..." he sighed. "It's exactly what we need I think."

She glanced up at him again and Lucille ran a hand along the facial hair on his cheek before laying flat down against his chest again.

He chuckled once and watched as Will Ferrell appeared for the first time on screen.

Lucille yawned. "He's so funny."

Negan smirked and alternated for several minutes between stroking her hair and her back until he heard his wife's steady breaths. He tipped his head to the side, realizing Lucille had dozed off against him and so he changed the station back to the story of the lions.

When the narrator began to speak again he lowered the volume so Lucille wouldn't wake up and adjusted himself just slightly in the way he laid partially beneath her.

"The territory is claimed by the male lion that has the most convincing roar," the narrator went on.

For whatever reason he found the show to be a little fascinating, having taken interest in similar shows about bears or wolves. Negan watched for a bit until his eyes grew heavy and the nature of the television show trickled into his dreams as he drifted off to sleep.


	9. Voicemail

Negan sat with a clipboard in front of him and sipped on a beer with the men he coached with. It was early afternoon on a Friday and the three men decided to get ahead on some plans for later in the year. "We have to get a jump start on planning these spring workouts," he told them, though he was aware that they all knew that. "I know we're on in January but let's just get some ideas rolling."

Mike flipped through a notebook he kept regularly during the seasons and crossed off the names of the seniors from their team. "We may be doing some rebuilding."

Timmy, the defensive coach pointed to his book with one finger. "These two didn't do much for us this past season."

"Didn't play a fucking down," Negan echoed with a nod, referring to the last kid's name on the list.

"I think the McBride kid is going to develop into a strong kicker," Mike added, tapping a pen on the names of one of their sophomores.

"Hit a thirty-five yarder in a big situation this year." Negan nodded. "We have to get him stronger. He has the balls to step up as the number one."

"Good news is you still have your quarterback for a whole other year." Timmy raised his glass and tapped it against theirs.

"Semi fucking finals." Negan shook his head and drank the rest of his beer.

"Get some appetizers," Mike urged, "And another round of beers."

...

Lucille left work early after feeling a little odd and under the weather. She didn't actually start worrying until she got home and the pain began to increase in her midsection. She was going to give Negan a call but decided to lay down and try to ride the pain out.

"Suck it up," she said to herself as she laid down on the couch in a ball. There was a chill in the house from the winter air and she buried herself beneath a small collection of fleece blankets.

Lucille couldn't keep her teeth from chattering and she tried to doze off but the pain was relentless and continued to increase with each passing minute. She tossed and turned and closed her eyes shut tight before finally reaching for her phone. With one hand on her forehead she waited, hearing ring after ring until her husband's voicemail picked up. "Negan, call me when you get this." She hung up, not wanting to worry him too badly.

When five minutes went by she called him again with the same result. Lucille didn't leave a message this time. Rather, she called her best friend Nicole who picked up on the third ring. "Hello!" her cheery voice came over the receiver.

"Nic..." she tried to sound normal. "I might need your help."

"What happened?"

"Nothing... I don't think." Lucille paused a minute when a pain shot through her again. "I... I'm at home. I might need a ride to the doctor. Negan isn't picking up his phone."

"Yeah! Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm fifteen minutes away! What's happening?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Thank you."

"Of course."

Lucille remained where she laid and tried Negan's cell phone again before sending him a text message. She took a deep breath and tried not to get mad at him but the pain was taking away some of her rational thinking. "Where are you?" she asked aloud, wanting to hear his voice.

The next fifteen minutes felt like a lifetime. The house was silent. The air was cold. Lucille was alone with a pain that was beginning to couple with panic for her unborn child. Over and over again she dialed her husband's number but each time she got his voicemail. On the seventh or eighth time she left him a more serious message. "Negan, Nicole is driving me to the hospital. Meet me there."

She closed her eyes and hoped her phone would ring but it didn't until Nicole was informing her that she was pulling into the driveway.

Lucille rose from where she laid, holding her stomach and walking to the kitchen to retrieve her purse before heading out the front door, not bothering to lock it. Nicole ran up the sidewalk to meet her.

"Oh my God, what's happening?" her friend asked.

"I don't know," Lucille admitted. "I'm in so much pain. It started around noon and it's terrible now."

"Come on." Nicole helped her into the car. "Did you get a hold of Negan?"

She shook her head. "He was having some football meeting thing today. He probably doesn't have his phone on."

"We'll call him again on the way, okay"

Lucille nodded and saw the panic in her friend's face as she slipped her hand into hers.

"Thank you Nicole." Lucille managed a small smile and then closed her eyes as she tucked her knees to her chest in the front seat.

Nicole nodded and drove safely, despite wanting to speed her friend to the emergency room. Like the wait from before, the ride seemed to take forever into the next town where the hospital was and when they got there Lucille felt even worse.

"Can you walk?" Nicole asked. "I can get you a wheelchair."

"I'll walk." She got out of the car and the two of them slowly made their way up to the front doors.

Lucille phoned Negan another time with no luck and decided to just go in and catch him up later. She hoped whatever was going on had nothing to do with their child.

...

Negan ripped a piece of paper in half and then laughed, feeling the effects of a mild buzz from the drinks he, Mike and Timmy had shared.

"Hey that was a good play you drew up," Mike laughed a little extra hard. "Why'd you rip it up?"

"Because it had two quarterbacks," Timmy told him.

The waitress came over with another beer for Mike and looked at Negan and Timmy. "More for either of you?"

"Yeah..." Timmy pointed in front of him.

Negan looked at them, thinking of what he had promised Lucille about staying out with the guys too much. "Nah a water for me."

"Fuck that!" Mike said, shaking his head. "Get the man another beer."

The waitress looked back and forth between them and Negan shrugged. "Fine." A grin took over his face. "One more for me."

"You three seem to be having a good time," she laughed. "Be right back."

"She's cute Timmy, you should hit on her," Mike urged, running a hand over his moustache.

"You should hit on her," he shot back with a laugh.

"I got a woman."

"And I already got women... plural," Timmy told him, continuing to chuckle.

"Get the fuck out of here." Negan waved a hand at him.

"Nah, I'm too young to settle down."

"He's right," Negan agreed, "The kid's only twenty-five. He don't need that shit yet."

"Three beers." The waitress placed them down and Mike eyed Timmy with a smirk, but he never said anything to the woman.

"Thank you." Negan pushed the drinks in front of his friends. "This is it... then I'm out of here."

"Yeah right." Mike laughed to himself behind a set of rosy cheeks and took a long swig of his beer. "We'll see about that."

...

Lucille laid back in a hospital bed after undergoing a series of tests with Nicole at her side. "Thank you so much," she said to her friend.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, "I have to make sure you're okay."

"I wish I could say the same about my husband."

Nicole tried to get her to see the bright side. "He probably has no idea. You know how they get with their sports and shit."

Lucille closed her eyes and tried to not think of the pain. "I hope he's okay."

"I'm sure he's fine."

Nicole tried to distract her with old pictures of the two of them and other friends dating back to college when they were just nineteen or twenty. "We were hilarious," her friend insisted, making Lucille smile once or twice. "Oh my gosh, remember this day?"

She leaned forward a little to see a photo of the two of them camping with hoods pulled up over their heads in the pouring rain. "The never ending night," Lucille said with a laugh. "I forgot which one of friends said they knew how to set up a tent and then it collapsed in the rain in the middle of the night."

"Wasn't funny then but... it is now." Nicole laughed again and then saw her friend wince. "You're going to be okay." She pet her hair for a moment and they tried passing the time through funny conversations and reliving memories. When the doctor finally entered he came in with another man and the two of them stood sternly. Lucille couldn't tell what their expressions meant.

"Well... I..." the doctor began. "There is something you should know right away." He sighed. "I'm going to be putting you on a narcotic to relieve you of the pain you're in."

"But, my... my baby." Lucille swallowed hard and looked at him "Is that good for..." She saw the man's face drop as he looked to the other doctor.

"I'm Doctor Lang," the man extended his hand. He looked back to the first doctor.

"Just spit it out!" Nicole said, shocking Lucille a bit who turned to her. "Sorry."

Doctor Lang took the initiatve and stepped forward. "I'm very, very sorry." He swallowed hard and then looked down and back up. "I'm sorry but you've had a miscarriage."

"What?" Lucille shook her head and looked at him.

The young doctor shook his head. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"No." She shook her head again. "No, that... can't you check to make sure?"

"We, uh, we have," the first doctor explained. "You'll have to stay here for a bit. Your husband-"

"I don't know where he is." Lucille put a hand to her mouth and shook her head, unable to speak as she prepared to cry.

Nicole rubbed her back and then hugged her, prompting the doctor's to give the two of them some privacy. "Give me your phone." Nicole took the IPhone from her friend and called Negan again, this time he finally picked up just before his voicemail did.

"Lucille," he began with a laugh, "I just saw you called like a hundred times."

"Give it to me," Lucille snatched the phone when she heard him pick up. "Where are you?" she demanded.

"I was, uh... you know... with the guys doing football shit."

"Are you... are you drunk?" Tears fell down her face and Nicole began to shake her head.

"No... well... a little maybe. I told you-"

"Negan I'm in the hospital!" she shouted, and then began to cry.

Nicole took the phone back. "Hurry up and get here!" she shouted into the receiver and then hung up the phone.

The phone rang immediately again and Lucille reached for it. Nicole reluctantly handed it over but knew it wasn't her call. "What?" Lucille asked.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?"

"I didn't have it on. It was in my pocket on silent."

"Oh... oh, ok... for several hours?" Lucille's voice got louder and Nicole closed the door.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

She bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself from crying or screaming at him. "Just get here okay..." she said in a shaky voice. "Just get here."


	10. An Omen

Negan rushed through the hospital, demanding to know where his wife was in a panic until he was finally pointed in the right direction and allowed the access to go see her. When he ran into the room Nicole sat beside her on one side and Dr. Lang was on the opposite side.

"Hey!" Negan looked at all three of them and then focused on Lucille. "Are you alright? What happened?"

"I'll step out for a minute." Dr. Lang rose and Negan couldn't help but stare at him, almost in accusation, despite knowing whatever had happened it hadn't been the doctor's fault.

"I'll leave you two alone." Nicole looked at Negan a moment and hurried out the door behind the doctor, closing it behind her.

"I am so sorry," he started. "I didn't know what was going on." His eyes scanned her body. "Were you in a car accident or..."

Lucille shook her head. "I never put my phone on silent... vibrate during a meeting, yes. But if you needed to get in touch with me and it was an emergency I would be able to get in touch with you."

"I'm sorry," Negan said again, shaking his head.

"Are you drunk?" she asked him, wiping tears away that began to form in the corners of her eyes.

"No." He shook his head, despite feeling the faint effects of the alcohol.

Lucille didn't have it in her to debate. "Negan, I lost the baby."

"What?"

"Yeah..." she took a deep breath and put her arms out the sides, "Yeah... I don't know."

"That... that can't happen." He stood up.

Lucille began to cry harder and he hugged her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him to her but then pushed him back. "Nicole had to come get me!" she screamed at him.

"I know-"

"No, you don't!" She cried harder. "You told me you were going to cut that shit out and stop having these guys nights... or days..."

"We were meeting about football."

"At a bar!" Lucille shook her head. "And you smell like beer." She shook her head again.

"Lucille..." Negan forced himself not to curse in the heat of the moment. "How could I have known this was happening?"

"If you had your phone Negan! That's how!"

He tried to hug her again and she pushed him away before continuing to cry and giving in to his next attempt. Negan rested his chin on top of her head as she let tears decorate the front of his shirt.

When the doctor finally came back in he rattled off another string of apologies before giving them the details of what they had found out. "We're awaiting some more tests," the man explained, "And we'll be able to contact you at home with those results, as well."

When all was said and done Lucille sat with a tear-streaked face and puffy eyes with her husband and her friend Nicole. "I want to go home." She swallowed hard and looked back and forth between the two of them.

"I'll leave you two," Nicole offered, "But call me if you need anything at all Lucy, okay?"

She nodded. "Thank you for taking care of me all day."

"Thank you," Negan echoed, clearing his throat just after. He turned to Lucille and they stared at one another for a moment before he took her hand in his. "Come on."

The ride the their house was filled with silent emotion. The world around them was dark, and no lights were on as they entered their home. What had been a typical Friday had turned into one of the worst days of both of their lives and Negan didn't know what to do to try to make it better.

"Have you, uh, have you talked to your mom?" he asked.

Lucille shook her head. "No." She kicked off her shoes and made her way into the living room.

Negan turned on the heat and put on a tea kettle. "I'm making you tea."

She didn't immediately answer, and he stood in silence for a moment until she finally responded with a simple. "Okay." When he rounded into the living room he felt like someone hit his chest with a hammer. Seeing Lucille so down and upset and shivering from the chill in the air was gut-wrenching.

He crossed the room and sat down beside her on the couch.

"I'm not mad at you," she choked out. "I'm just... upset. And I wanted you to be with me."

"I fucked up, Lucille, I'm sorry." He cradled her against him, feeling his eyes grow heavy and for the first time since being a kid he felt tears weld up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry." When he blinked the tears fell down his face and he continued to hold her against him.

Lucille finally pulled back and looked into his eyes that matched hers. "What do we do now?"

Negan swallowed hard and closed his eyes, feeling her wipe a tear away from his face. "I don't know." He sighed.

She hugged him back against her and the sat there together in silence until the tea water began to hiss and whistle on the stove. Negan kissed her on the cheek, leaving his lips against her and his hand on the opposite side of her face for several seconds before getting up to go retrieve it.

Lucille took the moment to decompress and think. She closed her eyes and composed herself, telling herself multiple times that it was okay, and that they would move on from this. Still, the pain of it all was so knew that she didn't know when or how that would happen. A part of her kept placing blame on Negan because he hadn't answered her calls, but she knew logically and rationally that he hadn't done anything wrong.

When he returned with her tea she took it between her hands and shuddered.

"I turned the heat up," he informed her, flicking on several lights scattered about the room.

"Thanks." Lucille sipped the tea and eyed the black television that hung above their fireplace. She sat all the way back in the seat and kept the warm mug between her hands before closing her eyes with a sigh.

"What can I do?" Negan asked her.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

He put his hands on his hips and awkwardly looked around the room, contemplating putting on the television. He stared at the clock that read just a few minutes after nine.

Lucille took another sip of the tea and then set it down on the coffee table. "I'm going to shower," she told him quietly. "And then I may go to bed."

"Okay." Negan nodded. "Okay, whatever you want."

She rose from where she sat and wandered down the hall, immediately getting the water ready.

Negan grabbed her mug and wandered down the hall to set it on the nightstand on her side of the bed. He then locked everything up, shut the lights back off and put the television on in the bedroom. For several minutes he sat staring at a man who rattled off the local news not caring what was being said. They could have said the world was ending and he wouldn't have cared.

Rather than listen to the man's voice, he took in the sound of the water in the other room and imagined what Lucille must have been thinking about. She had been so happy - _they_ had been so happy. It was as if something had to go wrong to put all of that to a halt.

Negan contemplated going in to check on her, but decided to give her some space for a few minutes. When the water finally stopped he waited for her to enter the room, but when she didn't after several minutes he wandered down the hall. "Lucille, you okay?" He rounded into the bathroom and felt the same wave of emotion hit him when he saw her sitting on the ledge of the bat tub wrapped in a towel with her head in her hands.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "I just... oh, I need to go to bed."

He stood there for a moment until she got up and held his arms out as she hugged him again. "We'll get through this," he promised. "Okay?"

Lucille sighed against him. "I hope so Negan."

He held her until she pulled away and then they wandered down the hall to the bedroom where Lucille bundled up in pair of his oversized sweatpants and sweatshirt before hurrying under the covers.

Negan turned off the lights and closed the door before securing himself behind her. "I love you Lucille. I'm sorry." He spoke in her ear in a whisper. "Things _will_ get better."

Lucille sighed and locked her fingers through his. She couldn't shake the idea that the series of events that day were a bad omen for what was to come.


	11. Communication

The weeks to follow were a struggle. As much as Lucille tried to bounce back she was unable to regain the happy-go-lucky she had felt most of the time prior to having a miscarriage. She told herself that the depression would pass, that she would bounce back, but it hasn't happened yet.

On the same note, she knew she had been pushing Negan away, jumping on him for the littlest things. He had been patient, but she knew his personality well enough that he would only take so much. Lucille knew she was the only one, outside of his mother, who could get away with treating him that way.

There had been a number of times when she jumped down his throat for nothing at all, or if he actually had a meeting to attend she would give him a hard time. Other times she would break down and cry with a string of apologies. Things hadn't quite fallen back into place.

Negan had been coming directly home after work, walking on eggshells around his wife. Being so careful was hardly in his nature, and there were times he wanted to try to make light of a situation by cracking a joke. His wife's emotions were so out of whack and irregular that he always found himself biting his tongue.

Lucille sat on the couch opposite Negan and mindlessly watched a Saturday night college football game that she had put on herself despite her husband's claims that he had no interest in watching it. He sat just as blankly, staring down at his phone every so often or glancing over at Lucille. When she finally let out a sigh he turned to face her.

"We've got to talk about this Lucille," he told her.

"There's nothing to talk about," she responded sharply without looking at him.

"Please..." He sighed. "It might help."

Lucille shook her head. "Talking about it won't help."

Negan stared in her direction, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He was trying to get her to look at him, but she kept her eyes on the television.

"Well..." he stood up. "I'm going to shower."

Lucille closed her eyes when his back was to her and immediately felt bad for the way she was treating him. She hated how mentally unstable she felt and hated even more that Negan was getting the brunt of it.

As the shower turned on down the hall Lucille turned off the television and then walked down the hall. She fought back more tears thinking of her husband's efforts to cheer her up and the wall she had put up between them. She hasn't even kissed him good night in several days, which was something she was usually adamant about.

Lucille rounded into the bathroom and stripped off her clothes before joining him. She had no intention of trying to seduce him. The way she was feeling it was virtually impossible.

Negan wiped water away from his eyes, a look of confusion on his face when he saw Lucille standing in front of him.

"Negan I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you." She swallowed hard with a nod and then tears filled her eyes as she instinctively leaned in his direction.

Negan held his arms out and guided her against him. "It's okay."

"You didn't sign up for this," Lucille went on.

"I signed up for you," he told her, "For better or worse, remember?" Negan sighed and kissed the top of her head. "You'll get passed this... we will. I know it won't completely make up for it but we can try again."

"I don't know." Lucille sniffed in. "Maybe not right away. I can't handle this a second time."

"Whenever you want."

Lucille pulled back to look at him. "I've been treating you like shit."

Negan shook his head. "I've fucked up a lot... and I'm not going to name off the times because I don't want you to get mad at me." He smirked.

Lucille gave a closed mouth smile and leaned up to kiss him once. "I'm sorry."

Negan reached around her to grab the bar of soap. "Turn around."

She did as he asked and managed a genuine smile as he began to lather up her back and then reached for the detachable shower head to rinse the soap off.

"I don't want to get your hopes up for..." Lucille chuckled making Negan smile wide.

"I wasn't planning on it," he said with a laugh. "Don't let the erection make you think otherwise." He kissed her shoulder. "You're just naked and... perfect... and in the shower with me."

Lucille snickered and turned to face him. "Perfect?" She shook her head. "I've been... I've been kind of a bitch."

"You're my bitch." He laughed, "That's part of the reason I love you. You give me shit back."

Lucille kissed him and hugged him again. "Thank you Negan... for understanding."

He kept his arms around her and rubbed her back. "You're my rock, honey. I told you... you bring out the best in me. Who knows where the fuck I'd be without you."

Lucille sighed and kissed him again. Negan proceeded to continue to bathe his wife, massaging her back and shoulders. Every so often he would purposely cop a feel, making her laugh.

When Lucille finally slunk out of the shower leaving him to throw some shampoo in his hair she waited until he turned the water off. She held his towel out and he dried himself off before wrapping it around his waist.

"You were right," she told him.

"About what?" Negan put his hands on his hips.

"About talking about how I feel... communication. We've always been honest with each other... even if the truth hurts. Even your reaction to me getting pregnant." He began to say something but she put up a hand. "It's okay. You're honest, sometimes very honest... but honest."

Negan nodded.

"I'm not going to keep putting this wall between us." She shook her head. "It's not fair."

"You're grieving," Negan told her.

"I'm going to do it in a healthier way now." She took a few steps in his direction. "I need you... I can't do what I've been doing to you."

He kissed her forehead as she leaned into him.

"Can we go to bed?" Lucille asked.

"As long as we cuddle," Negan teased. He couldn't get the sentence out without a laugh.

Lucille smiled up at him and then reached for his hand and they headed down the hall.

"Lucille," he said as they entered their bedroom. "You don't have to apologize to me over this. I feel fucking terrible about everything, but I can't imagine how it must feel for you. You've put up with a lot of my shit over the years, so you don't have to say your sorry to me."

She shook her head. "Yes I do."

The two of them looked at one another for another moment and then Lucille motioned to the light. Negan turned it off and she tossed her towel to the floor before sliding in bed.

Negan went over to his dresser, grabbed a pair of boxer-briefs, threw them on and then slipped under the covers with her. He cuddled himself around her, leaving a hand across her bare stomach.

"Why'd you put clothes on?" Lucille asked, smiling to herself.

He laughed. "Because you don't. I need a lair of protection here... for your sake."

She chuckled and then pulled his arm tighter around her. "I promise things will get back to normal... can you hang in there for a little bit?"

"As long as I have you, honey, I can hang in there for a fucking lifetime."


	12. Baseball Fan

Negan walked hand in hand with Lucille down a street in their neighborhood. "I've been feeling so tired lately," she told him, "This nice weather feels good for a change."

"It's been a long fucking winter," he agreed.

"Your spring football workouts started already huh?"

He nodded. "Had two kids fucking cry during conditioning. Parents calling in already..." Negan shook his head when reliving the conversation he had with the athletic director.

"Are you being too hard on them?" Lucille asked.

He glanced over at her. "It's a fucking football team. My coach used to grab my fucking face mask and call me a lazy piece of shit. I never said a work to my fucking parents about that shit." He separated his hand from hers, "These kids are too fucking soft." Lucille reached for his hand again and he turned to her. "You're probably the only person who can tolerate me, you know that?"

She grinned. "I don't think you're as bad as you think you are Negan."

"Oh, I'm fucking bad," he replied with a light laugh, and then stopped them to give her a kiss.

"Yeah... real bad." Lucille raised her eyebrows and then towed him by the hand as they continued their stroll down the quiet street.

Negan sighed. "I'd be... I don't know, I'd be a loose cannon without you. Stuff like this keeps me sane." When Lucille laughed he raised his eyebrows. "You think I'm kidding."

"No, I know that every man needs a woman in his corner." She smiled. "And I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's corner but yours."

"Well, I don't fucking say it enough but I appreciate that."

"I love you," Lucille told him with a grin.

"I love you, too, honey." Negan separated their hands and slung his arm over her shoulders as they walked. "You, uh, ready to talk about that kid shit again?"

She smiled, "Kid shit? Nice..."

"Kid stuff..."

Lucille tightened her arm around his waist. "I don't know." She shook her head. "I'm finally starting to feel revived again... maybe in a few months."

"Mmm..." he pressed his eyebrows together and stared ahead.

"What?" She smiled. "You really want to have a kid now? I thought you were all..." Lucille shrugged when she couldn't come up with the right word.

"No, I think I get it now." Negan grinned. "But I'm not going to press the issue."

"Now that we have the time to actually plan it out and talk," Lucille said to him, "Our lives are going to change... big time, if we decide to actually do this. That means if we want to go out with friends... if we want to go on vacation... if you want to go out with you friends on a Friday night but our son has a baseball game..."

Negan smiled wider. "Son... I like where your head's at. Yeah, I'd like a son."

"But you'd _love_ a daughter," she teased.

He made a face and then laughed. "Can we turn her into an athlete?"

"Sure."

"Alright, I like her then," he said, making Lucille laugh louder.

"Soon," his wife told him. "I'm like back to ninety-five percent. Let me get to one-hundred first."

Negan kissed her forehead, "You got it babe."

"Thank you." Lucille smiled and sighed happily.

"Any chance we could practice though?" he asked her, "Like... I don't know, when we get home."

She laughed a little louder. "I did kind of put you on hold for awhile, huh?"

"I just keep thinking about our little romp on the car after that night out a few months ago." Negan grinned to himself when he saw her look up to him with a smile.

"I think I owe you," Lucille admitted with a nod. She slipped her hand in his back pocket and he made a face. She laughed again and then pointed up the way. "We're almost home... don't get excited yet."

"Too late." Negan stared down at the slight bulge in his pants, making Lucille look around the immediate area with a chuckle. "I know it's big but the neighbors can't tell from that far." He laughed and Lucille shook her head.

They crossed into the yard and Negan motioned to the garage. "Come this way. I have to bring up some things up to look over." He leaned down and pulled up the door, sending it flying to the ceiling and the two of them headed in. He closed the door behind them and waltzed over to a work bench where he had a spread of football-related items; clipboards, notebooks, small pieces of equipment.

Negan shuffled through some papers, eyeing a few things before grabbing a stack of workouts he planned on tweaking when practice resumed on Monday. The hair stood up on the back of his neck and a smile spread across his face when he felt Lucille slide her hands around his waist from behind before undoing the button on the front of his shorts. She carefully undid the zipper.

He spun around slowly to face her and the two of them shared a long, closed-mouth kiss before she squatted down in front of him. "You don't have to do that," he began but then closed his eyes when she started going down on him.

Negan leaned against the work bench with his eyes closed, gripping the edges until his knuckles grew white. The muscles in his jaw tightened and his head dropped back. He swallowed hard and then looked down when he heard his wife laugh from his reaction to her actions. He half-smirked and ran a hand through her hair. As much as he wanted her to keep going they hadn't had sex in awhile. "Stand up," he urged, extending his hand.

Lucille looked surprised but obliged and smiled when he easily scooped her up and sat her on the hood of the car, sweeping off the yoga pants she was wearing with ease. They shared a laugh when the pants got stuck around her ankle and then he pulled her toward him forcefully by her legs until their hips connected. "You want to go upstairs?" he asked before he proceeded.

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. "No."

Negan kissed her, entering her at the same time with one quick movement and felt Lucille's legs wrap around him. He pulled his mouth away from hers with an appreciative sigh and thrusted into her carefully several times before she urged him on. Negan ran his hands up her shirt, removing it so he could kiss her breasts.

Lucille closed her eyes, grabbing a handful of his hair and leaning all the way back on the hood of the car as he continued to kiss, bite and draw his tongue from her chest up her neck and finally capturing her lips again. She had almost forgotten how much she missed their intimacy after going through such a heavy time in their marriage and held onto him hard. His desperate sighs and moans left her biting down on her bottom lip and clawing at him until it was almost too much.

"Negan..." she called out his name and him take her to a climatic moment that left her muffling moans into his shoulder as she alternated saying her husband's name and taking the Lord's name in vain.

Negan panted against her neck as he followed her with a powerful orgasm of his own, nearly ripping off a windshield wiper in the heat of the moment. He calmed down, huffing out a series of curse words before finally pushing himself up onto his hands. "What is it with you and cars?" he teased, laughing as he bowed his head down so his forehead touched hers.

Lucille laughed and ran her hand over the back of his head. "Well the neighbors might not have seen anything outside... but they might have heard that."

"Was I that loud?" Negan leaned down and kissed her once and then pushed off the hood of the car and helped her to her feet. He zipped his shorts back up and looked around before grabbing the football papers he was gathering earlier.

Lucille got herself dressed and reached for the football on the work bench. She tossed it to her husband making him grin.

"Just that one throw and I'd say you're better than half my fucking team." He smiled and she laughed before making her way toward the door that lead into their house. She reached for a wooden baseball bat before she went in and pointed it at him. "I'm more of a baseball fan."


	13. Walking Through the Door

_Hey all I kinda/sorta made a trailer for this (more of a short 2 min video about Negan/Lucille and him becoming the Negan we know in the comics/show)._ ** _If you go to the youtube website and then paste in: watch?v=R9Ie8WWX01k after it..._** _Fanfiction never lets me post links on here._

Negan sat in a chair a few steps outside the big open garage door in the driveway. His two senior captains stood in front of him still sweaty from a practice they'd just had. He handed each of them a playbook and tapped the cover.

"You've got to fucking make sure your teammates know this shit," he said firmly. "You guys felt what it was like to make it to the semi-finals of states. Imagine what a championship would feel like."

"That loss still gives me fucking nightmares," his quarterback said, shaking his head.

"Well you have one more year to do something about that," Negan informed him. "Losing sucks."

"Yeah it does," his other captain said with a nod.

"If you two slack off in practice everyone else will. You did a hell of a fucking job today but you have to do that every single day. Do you get that?"

"Yes sir," the boys said at the same time. Their eyes rose to Lucille, who carried a basket of things into the garage behind where Negan sat.

"Hi guys." She gave a quick wave, one which they returned and then refocused on their coach.

"Alright," he said, rising to his feet, "Six a.m. tomorrow on the field. Anyone complains you shut that shit down and remember the nightmares this year's loss gave you if you start to think otherwise." He pointed at his quarterback.

"Yes sir," the young man said with a nod and then he pointed over Negan's shoulder. "Oh shit!"

Negan turned abruptly to see Lucille collapse to the floor, a loud crash filling the air as the things she was carrying scattered to the ground. He sprinted inside with the boys a step behind him and pulled her upper body into his arms. "Lucille..." he tapped her face gently, "Lucille!" He glanced up at the boys and handed one of them his cell phone. "Call 9-1-1!"

...

Negan sat in a chair with his head in his hands as he awaited the explanations of the doctors. Lucille's parents sat on one side of him with his parents on the opposite side. He knew something wasn't right and kept fighting off the urge to cry in front of everybody.

Lucille's aging mother rested her hand over his and he looked up to her. "She's going to be alright." Her words screamed uncertainty and Negan simply nodded, putting his other hand over hers.

The minutes felt like hours, and no one could manage even the most basic conversations. Several times Negan rose to pace the small waiting room and finally couldn't take it anymore. He stormed up to the woman sitting behind a computer at a desk and had to will himself not to slam his hands down.

"What the fuck is taking so long?" he asked, not caring who heard him.

"Sir, I don't know any more than you do," the woman assured him.

"Well then what the fuck are you getting paid for?" Negan raised his voice, only to be pulled back by his mother.

"Son, sit," she urged, "Please... they don't know anything yet. When they do they'll tell us."

He closed his eyes in frustration. "I'm going to take a fucking walk." He went to push through a set of doors when a doctor entered through the other side of the room. Negan spun back around and rushed the man. From the simple look on his face he could tell there was no good news coming his way.

"What?" he asked the man, biting his tongue.

"You should probably sit down," the doctor instructed.

Negan placed his hands on his hips and didn't move. He stared at the doctor until the man finally took a deep breath. "She's your wife I presume."

"Yes," he said firmly. "What's wrong?"

Negan's and Lucille's parents rose to stand along side him and waited for the doctor's response.

"I'm afraid... I'm afraid Lucille has a very aggressive form of cancer," the doctor began to explain.

Negan felt like he couldn't breath, hearing only ins and outs of the doctor's explanation. Phrases like "keep her comfortable", "morphine" and "spend as much time as you can" echoed in his ears, though he didn't process the in between sentences. The lights, the smells, the sounds of everything around him suddenly disappeared and he dropped to his knees in front of everybody.

For a second he thought he heard the cries of Lucille's father, a loud wailing off the walls of the hospital room. But he soon realized it wasn't her father who was screaming, it was himself.

Negan felt a hand on his back, another on his arm and then the chorus of cries for Lucille's suddenly shortened life. He squeezed his eyes tight, wanting to open them and be somewhere else with a different result. He wanted to back track weeks and months and years to get the time back.

"Sir, I'm sorry..." the doctor's muffled words rang in his ears but they sounded like miles away. Negan wanted to jump up and ring the man's neck just for coming and telling him the news but the temporary anger was misguided and overruled by sorrow and sadness. The only words that snapped him out of the daze were, "You can come in and see her."

When Negan rose to his feet the world around him was blurry and he sniffed in hard, feeling Lucille's mother buried into his left side. He draped an arm around her and stopped caring about who saw his emotions.

"Get it together son," his father urged, "Before we go in... for Lucille's sake."

Negan turned with red eyes and couldn't get himself to take a deep breath. The breaths he took came out rapid and choppy. "Where's the doctor?" he looked around and finally spotted the man who put up a hand and held him firm with a pair of sympathetic eyes. "How long?" he asked. "How long?"

The doctor took a deep breath, "Best case scenario... a couple of months."

"A couple of m..." Negan couldn't repeat the sentence. "There has to be a fucking mistake." His voice cracked and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry son." He shook his head and pointed towards a door. "She's down the hall through this door in room 388. It's near the end on the right."

"Go," Lucille's mother urged. "Negan, go be with her first by yourself." She tried drying her eyes with her hands.

Negan's whole body felt hot. His feet felt heavy. Never in his life had he felt so weak; so destroyed. "A couple of months?" he finally managed to choke out.

"Go," his father urged. "Don't let her stay in there alone."

The doctor propped open the door with his hand and Negan slowly walked through it, shoulders slumped and head bowed. Passing through the door felt like passing through the gates of Hell. When he finally reached Lucille's room and saw her face, however, he felt like there couldn't be a Hell with Lucille in it. She gave him his own personal taste of heaven on earth.

She turned to him, not crying or in any state of emotional turmoil - at least not on the surface. "Hi," she said simply with a smile.

Negan couldn't speak. He slowly walked up to his wife and fell to his knees again at her bedside. Lucille cradled his head against her midsection and closed her eyes. "It's okay," she tried to assure him. "Negan, it's going to be okay."


	14. First Dance, Last Dance

**It's killing me to write them so tragically... ahh, what did I get myself into! I want them to live happily ever after!**

The world that Negan and Lucille knew had suddenly been taking out from under them, like a sick joke the universe had dealt. The closure of each day reminded Negan of the little time he would have left with his wife. Soon he would be alone in their house as the sun set, leaving him in darkness.

Lucille sat in a chair at their kitchen table as Negan set down a plate of spaghetti in front of her. He sat beside her rather than across the table. "Hey, the one perk to this illness is that I can have as many carbs as I want." She smiled at him and took a bite of a piece of garlic bread.

Negan tried to smile back at her but his eyes betrayed the non-genuine grin. "How is it?"

"Delicious." Lucille twirled her fork around and took a big bite. She then looked at him more seriously. "You have to go back to work, Negan."

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "I have sick days wracked up for years."

"You could get in trouble."

"Fuck 'em." He cut a meatball in half with his fork and shoved it in his mouth.

Lucille put a hand on his wrist and looked at him. "You're going to have to go on when... when I'm not here."

"Yup." Negan stabbed the other half of the meatball and filled his mouth so he couldn't possibly speak of it with her.

She rubbed his forearm gently. "And spring football-"

"I resigned," he mumbled with his mouth full.

"You what?" Lucille raised her eyebrows.

Negan looked over at her. "I'm done with that shit, Lucille. It took up too much of my time."

"But you love-"

"I love you," he said, swallowing the bite and stared at her, "I fucking love you. I don't want to spend the only time I have with you on a fucking football field." Negan looked away, feeling his eyes begin to water. It was completely foreign for him to feel so low; so defeated.

Lucille leaned over and put her forehead against the side of his face, pressing her lips to his cheek. "This sucks," she admitted, "But you can't drop it all because of this."

Negan kept his eyes away from her and felt a tear slide down his face. "I'm spending every fucking second of time I have left with you." When he looked back to her he could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"You can't fall apart on me." Lucille shook her head. "That's not you, Negan."

"Without you..." He nodded, "It is... I'm fucking terrified to go on without here. I tell you all the time. I'm..." Negan shook his head and began to sob, "Why is this fucking happening?"

"Death is a part of life." Lucille pulled him to her and hugged his head against her chest as he cried. "It's a little earlier than planned, but... I've come to terms with it. You have to do the same."

Negan didn't answer. He kept his arms around her and continued to cry into the front of her shirt. When he finally got himself together he pulled back and looked at her. "Tell me what you want. Where do you want to go? Where do you want me to take you? We can go to Hawaii if you want... or-"

Lucille put a hand gently on his face and then kissed him once. "I want to be here... in our house... with you. That's all I want." She hugged him hard. "I want this for as long as I can." She felt his fingers digging into her back and it made her want to burst out in tears with him. For what felt like the first time, however, she knew she had to be strong for him. Seeing her husband so breakable was almost more than she could stand.

"You don't deserve this," he whispered into her ear.

"God has a plan," she whispered back.

Negan pulled back and then leaned in to kiss her again.

"You're a survivor," Lucille told him, "Whatever happens next... you do what you have to do to be happy... to survive... to go on." She ran a hand through his hair. "You will. Trust me you will."

He closed his eyes and felt her lips connect with his again. "If I could trade places with you I would."

"I know." She spoke against his lips and kept a hand on the side of his face. When she pulled back against she refocused on her dinner. "You're a good cook."

Negan managed a smile. "It's pasta."

"Still good." Lucille took another big bite and looked at him. "I feel good right now." She smiled. "Let's enjoy tonight."

He nodded and placed a hand over hers. "I'm sorry for acting like this."

She shook her head at him and ran a hand through his hair. "You're a good man, Negan."

Her words almost put him back into the state he was just in, but he followed her lead and took a big bite from his dinner. When they finished he cleaned everything up, despite Lucille's claims that she would contribute. She snuck in and dried the dishes as he washed them and tried to keep the mood playful, by nudging his arm and sticking her tongue out at him.

"Go sit down," he urged.

"I'm not going to break." Lucille grinned and put away the glasses they had been drinking from, followed by their plates. She then made her way over to the station where her IPhone was set and began to thumb through a list of songs until she got to the one that they danced to at their wedding. When the song began to play Negan looked over at her from the sink and began to dry his hands.

"Why do you have to do this shit to me, Lucille?" he asked, shaking his head. "I'm a fucking mess already."

She grinned and held out a hand. "Come on."

He tossed the towel down and slipped his hand into hers, pulling her against his body as the song played.

"This was a good day," she remembered, "I think my favorite part was slamming the cake in your face."

Negan grinned but felt his chest and throat tighten. He never would have imagined that Lucille wouldn't be around to celebrate their second wedding anniversary. "I wish we could go back," he said quietly, swaying her slowly to the music, "Relive that day over and over... never move forward."

Lucille pulled herself tighter against him and watched as Negan closed his eyes. "We're reliving it now," she whispered, resting a head against his chest.

There was no use in fighting it. Negan felt silent tears stream down his face and kept her against him so tight he thought she might not be able to breath. He sighed and kissed her forehead before Lucille looked up at him. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him with a gentle enthusiasm that would have typically led him to sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her down the hall. Instead he kissed her back, never missing a beat as the song went on. "I love you, Lucille," he said as he broke the kiss before kissing her again.

"I love you too."

Negan began to sing the lyrics to the song quietly in her ear and this time Lucille broke down, hiding it from him as she rested her head against his chest again. She felt she had the better deal in not having to live a day without her husband. The thought of him being alone in the kitchen at night made her stomach turn in knots. As much as she could never envision him being with another woman without feeling hurt, she equally prayed that he would find someone one day that could fill that void in his life. For the time being she remained secure in his arms, reliving their wedding day and pretending that things were alright. She knew it wouldn't be long until that, too, would be gone forever.


	15. A Walk In the Park

Negan felt like he was letting Lucille down by being so fragile emotionally. She had shown immortal-like strength emotionally despite the break down of her physical form. He tried to match her strong will but found it impossible. He attempted to save his tears for moments of alone time - the car or in the shower, but it didn't always work out that way.

Lucille tried to tell him she felt alright, even when she felt her worse. Weight continued to shed from her body and rapid rates and her appetite slowly decreased. The medicine she was on to keep her comfortable and stable often made her sleep for hours upon hours, or turned her into a zombie. Finally one day she decided that the medication would take a rest and she would deal with whatever pain came her way so she could be mentally clear.

Negan had slowly begun to accept his wife's fate, but willingly complied to her every beck and call.

The two of them sat side by side in Adirondack chairs in the yard and Lucille turned to him, basking in the sun. "Take me for a walk?" she asked with a smile.

Negan managed a closed-mouth smile and placed his hand over hers. "Whatever you want."

Lucille took a deep breath and knew it would take a lot out of her but the day felt too perfect to waste. "How about to the town green there? There's a little park."

He nodded and rose to his feet, digging into the pocket of his shorts for the keys to the car. When Lucille began struggling to push herself up out of the chair he rushed over and scooped her up into his arms. "You're so sexy when you do that honey."

Negan smiled, kissing her once as he struggled to hold back tears. He then carried her to the truck, lifted her into the passenger seat and hopped in beside her before making the short drive toward the center of town.

People were out and about when they arrived; some walking dogs, others strolling leisurely in pairs or by themselves. A few kids tossed a Frisbee around in the grass. Negan took it all in and wanted to shout at the skies for giving Lucille such a shitty deal in life. They should be able to enjoy the day like anyone else.

Negan helped her back out of the car and the two of them began walking along the stone sidewalk.

"What a day," Lucille said with a smile as he reached for her hand.

"Yeah." Negan tried to remain positive for her sake. He couldn't say much more.

"Seventy-five degrees, a little breeze... no humidity." She smiled wider at him and looked down as he reactively squeezed her hand.

They walked a short distance more before Lucille pointed toward a park bench. "I may have to sit." She shook her head as she studied her weak appearance.

Negan helped her down, despite her claims that she was alright to do it on her own. He slipped an arm around her shoulders as she took a deep breath and leaned against him. "Feels like I just ran a 5K."

He rubbed her shoulder soothingly for a moment before taking in a deep breath through his nose. "Fuck..." he said quietly, feeling his breathing pick up. Crying wasn't something he was used to. In all of his life he couldn't honestly remember a single time that he cried, even as a child. He'd taken his lumps as a kid playing with older kids in town or during sports but he never once cried over any of it. The fact that any little thing could trigger that emotion now was something he hadn't quite come to grips with.

Lucille looked over to him when she saw the familiar look on his face; his jaw was strained, his lips pressed together and his head tilted away from hers. "Negan..." Her sympathy stung him and he felt like he might have panic attack. His breaths got rapid and choppy quickly, he couldn't control his shoulders as they moved reactively to his lack of breaths and then he lost it.

An older couple glanced over as they walked by, seeing Negan beginning to sob in his hands. Lucille smiled politely back at them and then put a hand on her husband's back. "Negan," she said quietly, "Negan, it's okay." She swallowed. "Don't cry."

He couldn't control it. It was as if a switch had been turned on inside of him. Like the time in the hospital when he found out the news and several times after that, he felt all of his connection to the world around him slide away. All he could hear were his hiccup-like cries and the sting of hot tears in his eyes. They burned down his face like liquid flames and disappeared into his palms.

Lucille saw the teenagers playing Frisbee stop what they were doing as they stared in their direction. Negan didn't pay attention to any of it. She leaned her face against his and spoke into his ear. "I'm okay. Stop..."

Her voice hit him harder, and he kept a hand over his eyes while gently placing the other on her knee closest to him. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "Lucille, I'm sorry." The rest of his words were incoherent. "I can't keep... I do this shit to you... fuck... you deserve... fuck... shit..."

Lucille kissed him on the cheek. "Come on, let's go home honey." She tried to urge him up but he wouldn't stand. "Negan..."

"No." He dried his eyes to the best of his ability and looked at her with an attempt at a smile. "No it's a perfect day and I'm not going to ruin that shit for you." Negan shook his head and took a deep breath. "I'm a selfish-"

"Stop." Lucille put a hand on his face. "You're not anything." She smiled and kissed him. "We can go."

Negan shook his head again and let out a long, deep breath. "No." He swallowed hard. "Unless you don't feel good then we can. But if you want to stay we're staying."

She nodded and locked her fingers through his. Negan guided her toward his chest as he felt her begin to lean into him. For several minutes they sat in silence and he felt a small bit of contentment at how peaceful Lucille looked as she laid against him.

"The sun feels so good," she said finally. "Vitamin D boosts your mood, ya know."

Negan rubbed her arm and kissed her temple. "I love you."

Lucille smiled and closed her eyes, rubbing his chest for a moment. "I fucking love you more."

He smiled to himself and looked down as she glanced up at him with a smile. "That's my foul-mouthed lady."

"I thought you might like that." Lucille laughed and then sighed. "Get me in as many of these sunshine days as you can, okay?"

"Okay," Negan agreed.

"Even when I'm in the hospital," she went on, "I'm not going to be that sweet woman in the back hall," Lucille laughed, "I want to get in a little more trouble with you while I still can. So sneak me out when visiting hours are over and maybe sneak in a bottle of that Jack Daniels with the honey you introduced me to." She winked at him and Negan finally laughed as he wrapped his arms around her tighter. Lucille sighed contently as she snuggled against him.

"You fuckin' got it honey." He kissed the top of her head. "I'd take down the world for you."


	16. Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds

Negan walked through the hospital corridor with his hands in his pockets. Just leaving Lucille alone for a few minutes was enough to make his stomach turn in knots, but she'd had specific instructions for him and he followed them. Part of her requests was a promise he'd made her, and a smile formed on his face as his hand toyed with the small, plastic bottle of Jack Daniels in the pocket of his shorts.

Lucille smiled as he rounded into the room with a mischievous grin. "There is no look I enjoy more than the one that's one your face right now."

He laughed and looked over his shoulder before progressing into the room. "I feel like I'm in high school... sneaking in booze, waiting for your parents to leave." He handed her the small nip of alcohol. "As I promised."

"Thank you honey." She smiled as he leaned down and kissed several times in a row.

"So... may I ask why you had me park in the back?" Negan smirked, "Was it because it's a longer walk and you think I'm putting on a little fuckin' weight or something?"

Lucille laughed lightly. "First off, I like it when you have a couple extra pounds. Secondly, it's all a part of my plan."

"Your plan?"

"My plan." She smiled wide.

Negan folded his arms over his chest and stared at her with a grin. "I'm intrigued."

"I figured you would be."

He continued to smile. "You look like you're feeling better today."

Lucille nodded. "I am. I was waiting for a day like this to carry this out."

Negan chuckled. "You wouldn't be trying to seduce me, now would you?"

She laughed and placed a hand on his forearm. He slipped his hand down, interlocking his fingers with hers. "I can't count the number of times I've thought about attempting that." She sighed with a little flutter of laughter. "You might break me."

"Well, I wouldn't want to do that." Negan sat down on the side of her bed and kissed her forehead. "So, what's the plan then?"

"Are you up for a little bit of trouble?" she said softly.

Negan's smile widened and he looked over his shoulder and then back at her. "I'm always up for a little fuckin' trouble, honey. What do you have in mind?"

Lucille squeezed her fingers against his. "You're going to sneak me out of this hospital."

He laughed. "Is that right?"

"That's right," she went on, "If you followed my directions... which I know is hard for you to do because you just _love_ to be in control..." Lucille winked making him chuckle, "You should be parked right by a door by the back stairs over here."

"I think I got it right." Negan smiled a little wider.

"Once we make it out of this hall you should be clear to carry me down. It's starting to dark outside so no one should be able to see us really." Lucille smiled, "And from here to the stairwell is only about ten yards."

"10 yards to the goal line... touchdown."

She laughed. "Exactly. I knew you'd like it if I gave you the distance in yards."

"Nobody fuckin' gets me like you do." Negan leaned in and kissed her. "Are we going now?"

Lucille unscrewed the top of the Jack Daniels nip and drank half of it before passing the tiny bottle to her husband. "Yes."

"I love it when you're the trouble maker." He downed the rest of the liquid and scooped her up out of the bed. "What's the plan when we get out of here?"

"This is step one," she informed him, "I'll tell you step two once we make a left out of the parking lot."

Negan laughed again and hurried them both toward the door, looking out both ways. "I feel like James Bond or some shit," he whispered, making Lucille laugh quietly against him. "Taking you away from the bad guy." He hurried out of the room, closing the door behind him with his foot and then slunk through the doorway that led down the stairs. His hurried footsteps and Lucille's giggles echoed off the walls and he cursed with a laugh of his own as he struggled to open the door with her in his arms.

"Fucking truck," he huffed, laughing again as he finally opened the door and got her inside. Negan rounded the car to the driver's side and then turned on the headlights, backed the truck out of the space and made his way out of the parking lot, taking a hard left as Lucille had instructed. "What a rush." He reached for her hand, and took in the all blue hospital clothes. "You make all blue look good baby."

She chuckled and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Hop on the highway going north for one exit," she told him.

"Get off 55?"

Lucille nodded. "Yeah."

Negan did as she asked, taking his time on the drive with his wife. He didn't want to rush whatever it was that she had planned. For the rest of the ride he listened to her instructions, taking lefts and rights through the town until she finally pointed up ahead for the final direction. "There's a small road up here with no street sign," she explained.

He slowed the car down and glanced up ahead toward the right where she pointed. "Got it honey. Sure this truck's gunna fuckin' fit?" the road was narrow and hadn't been paved in years. The lingering asphalt was cracked and dirt had taken over a good half of the road. In some spots there were weeds growing through the cracks.

"I hope so," Lucille said with a chuckle, "I almost forgot how big it was."

Negan whipped his head in her direction and Lucille laughed at her purposely suggestive choice of words. "I'm so glad you're feelin' good today honey." He winked at her.

"Me too." She grinned. "I love laughing with you." A content sigh left her mouth and she pointed, "We're not far."

"You taking me out here to kill me?" he joked, "Because I'd be just fuckin' fine with that."

Lucille smiled. "If I was going to kill you, I think it would have been in one of our fights a lot earlier than this."

"We didn't fight much," he agreed with a smile, "But when we did..." Negan raised his eyebrows. "You threw your hair iron thing at me once."

Lucille laughed and scrunched her nose. "I know..."

"While it was still hot," he added with a laugh.

She laughed again and laid her head back down against him. "Well... there's going to be no fighting tonight." She pointed toward a small clearing. "Park here. Can you help me down through a short path in the woods?"

"Can I... of course I fucking can." Negan killed the engine and turned off the lights. Things were barely visible around them as the sun had almost turned in for the night. He lifted Lucille out of the car and then carried her down the path that began just a few feet away from where he parked.

Lucille kept her arms around his shoulders. "It's just past this little bridge."

He walked over a small wooden bridge, eyeing the saltwater stream beneath it and then felt the ground begin to turn to sand. When the trees thinned out he could hear the roll of waves on a shore and smiled when a small beach came into view. Negan looked down. "What is this place?"

"I used to come here with my friends when I was a kid," Lucille confessed. "It's been years and years since I've been here." She smiled up at him. "It's really private. I never used to see anyone when we came here." She pointed toward a blanket with some food and a case of beer on ice. "I was going to do wine... but both of us would rather have a nice, cold beer I think."

Negan laughed and then shook his head. "How did you do this?"

"I have good friends," she told him, and then leaned up to kiss him once.

"I wish I fucking thought of something like this," Negan said, still shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well... I know no one will come out here and I had to do this on a day that I felt just a little bit better than the rest."

Negan stared down at her in his arms and kissed her again, leaving his lips against her for an extra couple of seconds. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, "And like I said... I kind of like you with a couple extra pounds... so it's mostly junk food."

"Perfect." He carried her toward the blanket and set her down before cracking open a beer for both of them. "Can you have this being on your meds?"

Lucille looked over at him with a closed-mouth grin. "Negan... I'm dying. What the hell do I care?"

Negan swallowed hard, hating when Lucille or anyone else acknowledged that. He couldn't quite manage a smile until she raised her glass and touched it against his. "To us."

He toasted with her, nodding as he did. "To the best fucking years of my life."

"And mine." Lucille took a long sip from the bottle and then took a deep breath before accepting another kiss from her husband.

"You should've told me about this place." Negan slipped an arm around her shoulders and stared out.

"Honestly... it didn't cross my mind until I was looking through old photos... and then I thought about this." Lucille grinned. "This could have been our little getaway, huh?"

"That's exactly what it is right now." He rubbed her back and took a sip of his beer, taking in the final glow from the sun along the horizon that had already slunk down below the water line. Negan glanced down at the small collection of food. "Chocolate covered cherries." He reached down and grabbed one and then held it up to her mouth. Lucille took it from him, catching his finger with her tongue on purpose and making him laugh.

They alternated between all different types of junk food, washing each bite down with the ice cold beer and then Lucille finally looked at him. "Ready for the crazy part?"

Negan glanced over at her. "What's that?" Lucille smiled, slowly stripping off her clothing and couldn't help but giggle when he raised his eyebrows with a smirk. "I thought I was in danger of breaking you," he said with a laugh.

"It's called skinny dipping," she told him, "Ever hear of it?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No... never," he joked.

"Take your clothes off." Lucille gave a light tug on his shirt. "Even if we don't have sex it doesn't mean we can't be together physically. I miss touching you." She took in a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Who knows if we'll get to do something like this again." She reached for two towels and then slowly began walking through the sand.

Negan felt a strange sadness, but managed a smile and stripped down before following her down to the water. "Don't judge me if the water's cold... if you know what I fuckin' mean."

Lucille laughed as she entered the water first and looked over her shoulder as Negan followed just behind her, sighing and shivering as he got deeper into the water. "The salt water is supposed to help heal," she told him, moving her arms and legs as the water crept up just above her chest. She shivered once and then turned toward him.

Negan scooped her body up as he approached, holding her across his body and Lucille touched his face. "You're so good to me," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed her, surprised when she kissed him back a little more urgently. Negan closed his eyes and kissed her harder, taking short breaths in between the gentle lapses of his tongue against hers.

"God, do I miss that," Lucille whispered against him before accepting his lips against hers again.

Negan traced down her legs with his fingertips and then allowed her back on her feet in the chest-height water. He positioned himself behind her, massaging her back and shoulders gently before running his hands down her arms, carefully paying attention to her aching muscles.

"Picture yourself in a boat a river... with tangerine trees and marmalade skies..." Negan smiled to himself when she laughed and he wrapped his arms around her as she leaned her back against his bare chest. He continued with the lyrics to her favorite Beatles song, singing them quietly into her ear. "Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly... a girl with kaleidoscope eyes." Negan kissed the area just below her ear, skipping the next few lines to get to the chorus, "Lucy in the sky with diamonds..."

Lucille joined him in singing the chorus and melted against him with her eyes closed as he bit down lightly as he trailed his lips down her neck until he got to her shoulders. "This might be the best night of my life," she whispered to him.

Negan moved his lips from her shoulder to her earlobe and latched his teeth there before whispering. "I love you."

She placed her hands over his and the two of them stood there together beneath the glow of the moon. In that moment there was no pain. There was no illness. There was no sadness. There was only Negan and Lucille.


	17. The Beginning of the End

Watching Lucille's condition worsen was like a stake through the heart to Negan. He began to think of all the things he could have done better as a husband, or more things they could have done together. He resented his decision to put so much effort into the football team, which for half the year came as his number one priority. Lucille assured him year after year that she didn't mind, and he knew she was a saint for that - but he also knew that she would much rather have been at a movie, out to dinner or snuggled on the couch with him watching television than constantly out in the chilly temperatures watching high school football.

Lucille's parents had left the two of them alone to have some time to themselves, despite Lucille being so heavily sedated that she slept for hours on end.

Negan sat by her side with his hand over hers having been up for most of the night before as her condition took a turn for the worse. His only distraction was the television that played the bizarre news from around the local towns. There were shootings in the states below - North and South Carolina with cellphone footage that made it hard to tell what was going on in the mass hysteria. Police shot at people who stumbled toward them at point blank range and it was hard to tell what was what.

"The world's all going to shit," Negan mumbled to himself and then refocused on Lucille. She laid peacefully with her eyes closed. Her face was sunken in from losing so much weight and there were dark circles below her eyes. A heart monitor was the only thing that indicated she was still alive, and while Negan tried his best to prepare himself for the inevitable he didn't fully allow himself to accept it. A part of him was waiting for her to sit upright, crack a joke and then gradually get better until the two of them could go home and resume their normal lives. The other half of him knew this was never going to happen.

A loud crash from outside made Negan's head whip around toward the window, and he glanced at Lucille a moment before standing up and walking to take a look outside the window of the hospital. Two cars were head to head, having slammed into one another and smoke rose in between them. A crowd began to gather and he glanced around the world outside.

There was an unusual amount of people on the streets. Some appeared disoriented, moving slow and other appeared to be bleeding. He shook his head and looked back toward the television where a news reporter's anxiety leveled picked up as she spoke.

"If you are planning on leaving the house today, avoid West Main Street. Police have just shut down West Main Street by the high school after two more shootings have occurred." She paused and listened to something that came in through her ear piece and then refocused in the most professional manner possible. "Police are now advising everyone to stay in their homes. Please, where ever you are stay there. Riots are occurring throughout the city. Stay in your homes!"

Negan looked back out the window, pulling the blinds to the side and kept his eyes locked on a woman who grabbed a teenage boy by the shoulders and bit down on his neck. Blood poured from the wound and he pushed her away before running away from the increasing commotion and chaos.

"What the fuck..." Negan shook his head and then rushed back to Lucille's side as a frantic, young doctor entered the room.

"You've got to get out of here," he ordered, voice shaking. "They're taking over."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Get out now," the man said again. "We're evacuating. Something is going on out there." He raised his voice.

Negan looked down at Lucille. "She can't leave."

"I know," he admitted, "But you have to... or you'll die. They're taking over."

"I'm not leaving."

"You have-"

Negan grabbed the doctor by his neck and slammed him into the wall so their faces were only an inch or so apart. "I'm not fucking leaving my wife. Go home like the coward you are you little shit but I'm not leaving." He glared at him for a second, seeing the fear in his eyes and finally released him.

The doctor stared open-mouthed at Negan for a moment and then darted out of the room as more chaos ensued.

Negan locked the door behind him and stared helplessly at Lucille. He didn't know what to do and so took her hand in his again and put his lips to her cheek. "I'll never fucking leave you, Lucille." He kissed her and stayed at her beside despite hearing the ongoing chaos outside.

The smell of a fire finally made Negan rise to his feet and he recognized that outside things had begun to escalate. Multiple cars were damaged, one was flipped and people were fleeing in all directions. Whatever he original thought was going on was actually way worse.

He put a hand on the window frame and looked down with a long sigh as he tried to decipher what to do. The only saving grace was that it hadn't been the building that was on fire.

A loud, long beep made Negan spin around and immediately he forgot about the world's problems out the window. The heart monitor next to Lucille's bed showed a thin, green line that was flat and horizontal.

"No, no, no..." Negan hurried next to her and put his hands on her face. "Lucille... Lucille!" He put his head to chest and then felt for a pulse before frantically beginning what he knew of CPR. "Damn it! Lucille!"

The flatlining noises taunted him and it never stopped, bleeding into his ears with the crushing acknowledgment that his wife's heart had stopped beating.

Negan tried to give her chest compressions and felt tears slide down his face when he heard one of ribs crack beneath his force. "Lucille, please, baby." He put his hands on the side of her face. "Please open your eyes... Lucille! We have to get the fuck out of here." He felt himself go, losing all rational thinking for a moment as he cried with his forehead pressed to hers. The sound of the flatlined heart monitor continued on in the background, overtaking the screams and the sirens outside.

When the television suddenly snapped off and a wave of static took the reporter's place on the screen, Negan lifted his head and glanced around the room through damp eyelashes.

Outside the door he heard people running and then he heard the screams. Everything felt like it was suddenly crashing down and Negan's first response was to kick the heart monitor, bashing it to oblivion beneath his boot until it was shattered into a million pieces on the white-tiled floor.

"Fuck!" Negan shouted in frustration and then turned back to Lucille. He closed his eyes hard and lingered tears streaked the length of his face. He kneeled down beside her with his hands together on top of the white sheet that covered the lower half of her body like he was praying. "I'm sorry," he said quietly as he cried. "I'm so sorry ." He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself, though he stayed on the floor for several minutes. When he finally rose to his feet he put his lips to Lucille's forehead and left a gentle kiss there before taking her hands in his again. "This wasn't supposed to be the end for you..."

A explosion that shook the room suddenly drew Negan to his feet and he went to the window again. In the far distance there was a cloud of thick, black smoke rising from what appeared to be some type of explosion.

"It's a fuckin' war zone." Negan shook his head and his eyes scanned the world around him. He wondered where Lucille's parents were. Had they gotten out of the hospital? Were they alive? Negan was sure that if they were in the hospital they would have clawed their way down to Lucille's room.

The question now lingered in Negan's mind: What do I do?

He didn't want to leave Lucille. When the chaos died down he didn't want to be unaware of what happened to his wife's body. Negan would give her a proper burial with a beautiful head stone with his name on the opposite side of it to be buried next to her whenever he happened to go. Her body wouldn't be left in that hospital unidentified.

His eyes landed on a stumbling stranger that walked on the grass leading up to the hospital. There was something ungodly wrong with the man. His eyes were glazed over, he snarled and growled like an animal as he walked and he looked almost inhuman.

"What the fuck..." Negan tried to process everything at once - his wife's death, the mass panic at the hospital, the chaos outside, the explosions, the fires and the creature that lurked just outside the window. When he really paid attention he saw more of them, and then felt a wave of panic about what was really going on outside of the walls of the hospital.

Behind the door that led to the hallway there was a blood-curdling scream and then he heard the animalistic growling. Whatever was happening outside that door was something he couldn't process - not realistically. It al felt like something out of a movie.

The only peaceful thing that remained was Lucille. Her body laid so peaceful, so still. She looked almost angelic and as beautiful as ever to Negan. If nothing more he was grateful that she didn't have to experience whatever hell had taken over their world.

Another loud crash of a vehicle pulled Negan's attention out the window. A police car had smashed into a street light pole and the horn remained a constant honk that began to draw the stumbling creatures toward it. No one exited the cruiser and Negan assumed the officer was either dead or seriously injured.

A pack of the stumbling humans surrounded the car, all slamming at the windows and pressing their faces to the glass. It was the eeriest sight so far and Negan came to the conclusion that whatever was wrong with those people was the root of the hysteria.

Behind him he heard something. It was a noise that terrified him more than anything he had seen thus far. The growls he had heard from the hallway were closer; too close. They were coming from inside the room.

Negan spun around and looked at Lucille, feeling his heart leap into his thrust. His mouth fell open and tears formed at the corners of his eyes again.

Lucille sat partially upright, her eyes a grayish pale color and she stared at Negan, letting a series of growls escape her mouth. When her body slumped to the floor Negan didn't know whether to rush to try to catch her or move back another five feet. With no real option he stood frozen in place.

Lucille he died, he knew, and now she stared at him hungrily and inhumanly the way the creatures outside appeared. Her body twisted in ways that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck and she began to make her way toward him in wobbly, unstable strides.

"L-Lucille?" Negan didn't take his eyes off of her. He wasn't sure what to do. Inside he knew whatever she had become was dangerous, and visualized the woman outside that he witnessed rip at the young man's neck with her teeth. "This isn't real." He shook his head again.

The world around him was a waking nightmare. When Lucille drew closer her arms reached for him in the most predatory of ways. More tears escaped his eyes and Negan kept Lucille's snapping jaws at an arms length, dodging her attempts to bite him.

He finally pinned her body to the floor as gently as possible, holding down her shoulders and cried as he managed to leave a final kiss on her forehead while she continued to growl at him.

"I love you Lucille," he choked out, "I'm so sorry." Negan looked into her lifeless eyes and then hurried to his feet and made his way to the door. He unlocked it and threw it open, seeing the nightmare up close as the undead took over the hallways of the hospital.

Behind him, Lucille's growls grew closer. He turned and glanced at his wife one final time knowing he couldn't save her. "I'm sorry baby." Negan looked into her eyes, lingering by the open door for an extra second and the closed it shut behind him, protecting her inside the room. He knew at that moment he would never see Lucille again.


	18. Infected

_What the fuck..._ Negan's eyes scanned the immediate area just outside of Lucille's hospital room and he thought it to be a scene pulled straight out of a horror movie. A light hanging from the ceiling swung back and forth, sending flickers of light in all directions in sporadic patterns. Aside from that the hallway was dark but not totally vacant.

"Help!" a boy's cries could be heard from just a few doors down and Negan widened his eyes when he saw the rabid, inhuman nature of two others that were attacking him. "Help!" he cried out more urgently.

Negan looked around the immediate area and spotted a fire extinguisher on the wall. Without another thought he rushed for it, snatching it quickly and then ran to the boy's aid. He connected hard with the head of the first attacker, sending blood spattering in Hollywood-esque fashion all over the wall. The body slumped to the ground unmoving, and before Negan could process what he had done the second one lunged for him, snapping its jaws and making the boy scream. Impulse took over again and he swung the extinguisher again into it's head, this time repeatedly slamming it down until the infected lay motionless with the other on the white-tiled hospital floor.

"Fuck." He huffed a breath and wanted to scream out loud in frustration but he didn't. _What the fuck is going on? What is all this?_

"Thank you." The boy put a hand over his own chest and leaned back against the wall, thankful to be alive.

Negan stood nearly frozen for a moment, staring down at the lifeless pair at their feet. "I'm... I fuckin' kill them." He swallowed hard and stared at the blood-streaked fire extinguisher that he let fall to the ground. "I'm a fuckin' murderer."

"No." He shook his head. "No they aren't human... not anymore."

"What the fuck is going on?" His head was spinning. He was still trying to process Lucille's death while dealing with all that was going on in the chaotic, upside world he was just thrown into.

"They're infected," the boy told him, "They're all over the place."

"In the hospital?"

"Some." He nodded. "Listen."

Negan tried holding his breath with little success and for a moment only heard the rapid beating of his heart. When he really concentrated he heard what the boy was trying to get him to notice. The growls were just like those of the people on the floor; like those of Lucille. The attackers of the boy snapped their jaws like the person he had seen outside of the hospital window.

"They're in the rooms?" Negan asked him.

"Some," the boy replied again. He eyed the door that Negan had come out of. "Who-"

"My wife," Negan replied before he could ask. He thought back to moments before - the glazed over look in her eyes, the inhuman way she moved; the lifelessness... She wasn't Lucille anymore, that he knew. When Negan stared down at the two dead infected humans on the floor he shook his head, tormented by the thoughts that were flying through his mind. He put a hand on his forehead when thinking of his wife.

"She's... infected," the boy suspected.

Negan let out a deep breath and didn't allow his emotions to get the best of him in front of the kid. Every ounce of him wanted to scream, cry and curse the world for destroying his but he was nothing if not mentally tough. "Yeah." He cleared his throat and eyed his teenage counterpart, "She had cancer... was dying already."

"But she's... turned... right?" He tried to lean an ear toward the room.

"Yes." Negan knew he couldn't do what he had just done to those men, not when it came to Lucille. He relived the blood spatter from crushing the infected man's skull and how easily it crushed beneath his force. The other one, while it took a few blows to put him down, it was still an easy kill.

For a moment he just stood there thinking about the worsts of the worse. Lucille's body was already so fragile from the cancer and her treatments. She would break so easily. When her body slumped off of the hospital bed a part of Negan died right there with her. The sound of her bones cracking as she hit the floor was something he knew he wouldn't soon forget.

Negan almost let the moment get the best of him. He almost cried in front of the boy. It was his next line of thoughts that interrupted his potential emotional breakdown. He pictured Lucille's infected, lifeless walking body stuck in that hospital room for all eternity clawing at the door and smacking at the windows.

 _She would be trapped_ , he thought, _stuck there forever._

"No." Negan said the word aloud and the boy raised his eyebrows, seeming to be waiting for Negan to say something.

"She's not turned?" he asked.

"What?"

"You said yes... and then you said no."

"She's fucking like them." Negan pointed to the two dead ones on the ground. "Except still... alive... if that's what she is."

The boy hesitated before speaking. "She's... not alive." He sighed.

"How long have you known about all this shit?"

"A day maybe."

Negan eyed the door where Lucille still resided and he put a hand on his forehead. He looked at the dead ones for what felt like the tenth time and his brain was having trouble processing it all at once. "I can't," he said simply.

"I will," the boy told him. "If you want."

Negan weighed the options in his mind again - putting his poor wife out of her misery or leaving her there in the hospital room to deteriorate until some stranger either got bit by her or put her down himself.

"Yeah," he replied with much reluctance. "Do it."

The boy nodded, "It's the least I can do for you saving me."

Negan watched as he made his way toward the door, dragging the fire extinguisher with him. When the door opened he heard the growls almost immediately and he had to consciously tell himself that it wasn't Lucille anymore; that his decision to have the boy put her down was the right one. He knew that it was but it didn't make the situation any easier.

He drew a hand over his mouth when he heard the clank of the metal object crashing against her skull and then closed his eyes. Their life together flashed before his eyes like a movie - their first date, their wedding day, a vacation they took, Lucille in the stands at his football games, a night they double-dated with another couple, the pool party, their fight over her pregnancy, their reconciliation, the walk they took around the neighborhood, the moment he was told she had cancer, the day he snuck her out of the hospital...

 _It happened too fast. It ended too soon._

When the door closed with a click that brought Negan back to reality he stared at the boy and then to his bloody hands. The act was done. Lucille was officially dead... she was gone.

"Ready to get out of here now?" the boy asked him, wiping his hands on his jeans.

Negan knew if he didn't say 'yes' at that moment that he could get sucked into the nightmare of his own misery. "Yeah, kid," he said sternly, "Let's get the fuck out of here."


	19. Numb

Lucille... Negan couldn't get her out of his mind as he scaled the corridors of the hospital. She was dead; gone. He couldn't even be the one to put her out of her misery after turning into a...

"Zombie," he spoke the last word aloud prompting the boy beside him to turn.

"That's exactly what they are," he whispered quietly back.

Negan felt numb. A part of him almost didn't have it in him to go on. He felt ashamed that the young kid next to him appeared to have the will to live even more than he did. Realistically, Negan wanted to allow himself to fall apart, to tell the boy to leave and make it on his own. A part of him had already died there in that hospital when Lucille took her final breaths.

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard a moment, bracing himself on the wall.

"You okay man?" the kid asked, breaking through his force field of emotion and turmoil.

Negan kept his eyes closed this time and almost said the words, _go on without me_ , but he bit his tongue. If he'd gotten the sentence out that would have been it. He would have written his own death certificate, turned back around and let the chaos behind the set of double doors take him.

 _She wouldn't want that_ , Negan knew. Lucille had told him when she found out about her illness that she didn't want him to give up, or live a terrible life after losing her. She wanted him to go on; to be happy, to make something of himself. He would do it - for her; though there was one thing Negan knew and that was that Lucille had saved him from himself the first time around. She'd saved him from a life full of risk-taking, of womanizing, of drinking and driving and just flat out being a dick. She calmed him down and reeled him in and Negan feared himself more than ever without Lucille there to steer him down the right path. She was his savior.

"Oh shit!" The kid's voice snapped him back to reality once more and Negan jumped back when a newly undead patient, still in his gown, lunged at the two of them with blood thirsty hands.

Negan simply reacted, reaching for it with both hands and slamming it into the wall repeatedly until it's head came crashing down with a sickening splat that left the body lifeless. "I have to get the fuck home."

"If you can even get there." The boy shook his head and Negan grabbed him by the back of his shirt.

"Come on." He pulled him with him for a few steps before letting go and rushing out of the hospital toward where his truck was still sitting in the same parking space it had been for days.

Negan's eyes scanned the lot and the streets. They were everywhere, the monsters; and those in the immediately area turned their full attention on the two of them, stumbling around with bloody hands and faces behind glazed over lifeless eyes.

"That your truck?" the kid asked, huffing as he eyed the vehicle that sat behind a small wall of the undead.

"Yeah." Negan's eyes roamed from one to the next. He smelled the fires, heard sirens and car alarms from somewhere in the distance as the day gradually faded to night.

The boy reached into his pockets, removing small scalpels he'd scrounged up from the hospital and Negan decided to follow his lead. He rushed over to where a stop sign had been plowed over by a car he assumed had fled the hospital at some point in the quick, drastic turn of events. He picked up the top of it that was attached to about a foot and a half of the metal pipe and approached his truck.

"Dude what are you doing!" the boy shouted but reluctantly followed, watching for a moment as Negan swung the spur-of-the-moment weapon at the first undead head, and then a second. "Whoa! Shit!" He darted over, plunging his knife into the head of another. Within just a minute or two the pair had cleared a path and Negan slung the boy toward the passenger side of the truck before reaching into his pockets to unlock it with his key fab. "Get in."

Negan hurried to the driver's side, fighting off one more before successfully getting into the vehicle. He tossed the bloody end of the stop sign to the ground and then started it up, kicking the truck hard in reverse before peeling out and taking out the approaching zombies in the process. Each one hit the hood with a sickening thump, something that he wasn't at all used to or prepared for. It felt wrong watching the human-like bodies become dismembered before his eyes before falling to the pavement in a heap, some still moving and crawling in a desperate attempt to get to them. It was horrifying and he openly acknowledged that.

The boy looked over his shoulder toward the chaotic hospital scene and finally let out a deep breath.

"Put your fuckin' seatbelt on," Negan instructed, glancing in the rearview mirror, specifically scanning the windows to try to find Lucille's. He knew it was pointless, and had to actively remind himself that she was dead; that she wasn't coming back. The insane nature of the elements around him gave him just the smallest bout of hope that he was midst of a bad dream, but inside he knew that wasn't true. It was real... all of it. The world as he knew it was crumbling before his eyes.

"Look out!" The boy shouted and pointed, making Negan's eyes widen as he slammed on his brakes in time to bring the vehicle to a skidding halt in front of a mass herd that made his mouth quite literally drop open.

For several seconds he just stared ahead at the parade of death. They all looked the same - tattered clothing, burn marks, snapping teeth, missing limbs, covered in blood. There was no way around them.

"What do we do?" The kid asked.

Negan glanced over his shoulder, put the truck back into reverse before slamming his right hand down on the top of the passenger seat. "Fuck this shit." He floored the pedal, sending them screaming backwards at mass speeds before he finally cut the wheel and spun the car so it faced in the opposite direction. The boy screamed as the car whipped and pulled, feeling like it could have possibly gone up onto two feels for a moment.

The two of them took a deep breath simultaneously before Negan jammed the car back into drive. He took one last look at the hospital, glanced back at the approaching herd and then took off in the opposite direction as fast as he could.

On either side of them zombies littered the streets. Negan thought he saw people running but he couldn't be sure they were human.

 _Can these fucking things run?_ He wondered. So far he'd only seen them stumble around, possible the only thing he was thankful for on that day.

"What the fuck were you doing at the hospital alone?" Negan asked him.

"I wasn't alone... before," the boy informed him, though didn't elaborate. "You were there with your wife... right?"

"Yup." He rounded a corner hard, prompting the boy to latch onto the handle at the top of the door. "You know, for a brave kid in that hospital you sure are a pussy in the car."

"If you flip the truck we're pretty much dead," he pointed out.

"I'm not going to flip shit."

"There's no more police... or doctors."

"How do you know?"

"They're gone. They're _all_ gone."

Negan was starting to see that with each yellow blinking stop light and each turned over car. Things were looking shitty and morbid at best. "This is fucking shitty."

"You swear a lot."

"Yeah, well... I traded in being cordial for being fucking funny years ago." He paused, "How old are you kid?"

"Thirteen." The looked out the window and then back to him, "Are you alright? Your wife died. You have to be-"

"I'm fine," Negan cut him off, giving the boy a look, "I'm fucking fine." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Where the fuck do you live? I have to take you home."

"If there's even a home to go to."

"What about a friend. Do you have a friend that lives nearby?"

A smile took over the boy's face. "A girl I like lives over here somewhere. Maybe she'll like me too if I can save her like I saved you."

"Saved me?" Negan shook his head, but tipped his mouth up in a small smile. The boy had been a help and Negan thought he might've just went back into the hospital room to die with Lucille if he hadn't run into the kid.

"Water." He pointed toward a convenience store, "Look there's water!"

"So."

"This is the end," the boy claimed, "We'll need water. Come on... pull in."

Negan felt the boy was wise beyond his years, crediting his potential love for science fiction or otherwise with his ideas about how to make it through the initial phases of the so called 'end of days'. Still, he felt the kid had a point and took a quick turn into the parking lot.

"These fucking things are everywhere," Negan looked around but eyed the oversized bottles of Poland Spring that sat outside a brick building.

"We need it."

"Fine." He opened his door as he drove, knocking over two more of the creatures to his left and then skidded to another halt in front of the water.

The boy jumped out, stabbing at another one before grabbing the hefty, clear jug and tossing it up and over into the bed of the truck.

"Easy with that shit," Negan warned, "If it breaks we ain't got shit."

They grabbed what they could and Negan was about to commend the boy on his snap decision to make him turn in there when he heard a scream from the opposite side of the truck.

"What the fuck... kid!" Negan darted around, seeing blood begin to spill from the side of the boy's neck as the zombified human growling and snarled on top of him. He reached down, grabbing it by the back of the head before smashing its head into the passenger door of the truck, leaving it lifeless on the ground.

The boy lay motionless now, eyes open and in a pool of his own blood on the center line of two parking spaces.

Negan looked down, feeling the overwhelming anxiety hit him again like a truck. The boy had given him hope; he'd given him company. Now, like Lucille, he was dead.

"Fuck." He said the word to himself now and looked around the dark lot. The sound of the growls willed him back inside the truck and he sped away, trying to forget that the kid even existed. It was all he could do.

As he drove, Negan flipped through the radio stations getting nothing but static. Frustrated, he slammed his first into the knobs, screaming out loud before repeating the action over and over again until his hand was battered and bloody. "Fuck!" He shouted at the windshield, waiting to find more nothingness with each bend in the road. Each minute that past brought on more darkness as he frantically drove toward his home. Despite it being the only destination he could think of, Negan was dreading seeing his headlights roll over the street sign that led down the dead end street where he'd lived with Lucille. When it happened he shuddered, and felt the numbness return.

The dead ones littered the quiet, suburban neighborhood - the place where they once intended to raise a family. The dream was dead; gone.

 _What the fuck am I going to do now?_ He eyed his house and pulled the car up to the garage and killed the engine.

There were no dead ones in the immediate area, though he knew they were close; they were out there. They were on the streets leading up that way and he was certain they lurked in the woods behind where their pool sat. He was just as certain that they were aware of his presence from the rumble of the car's engine that he'd just killed in the driveway.

Darkness surrounded him. Negan could only focus on his own rapid breathing and couldn't possible make sense of the events of that day. It was nearly impossible. He didn't know how to make sense of any of it.

When he heard the sobs at first he wasn't quite sure where they were coming from. They were loud, choppy and it wasn't until they took his breath away that he realized it was himself. He was crying, now struggling to breath as he sat in the cab of his truck alone. In that moment Negan wanted to die - he wanted it all to end; the pain, the suffering he felt internally that gnawed at him from the inside out. It brought him to his knees, forcing him to crumble into the fetal position across the front seat of the car as he put his head in his hands.

Negan laid there and cried until his eyes burned and knuckles were white from the balled up nature of his fists by his face. The swelling in his hand from where he punched out the radio didn't hurt, not nearly as much as the emotional pain that continually hit him in the gut. He kept his eyes closed shut and prayed to God in the loneliness, in the darkness, that somehow he would wake up and it would all be a dream.


End file.
